Wynonna Earp Recap: So Far Away

Hello, friends, and welcome to my recap for Episode 405, “Holy War, Part 1.” I thought this episode was excellent from top to bottom, and, most importantly with a two-part episode, has left me absolutely ravenous for part 2. So grab your creepy paintings, take a sip of tequila for courage, and be sure to fill your bathtub with holy water just in case, because here we go.

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Wynonna is back with the BBD, Wynonna’s newest nemesis…es turn out to be part of her family’s oldest ones, Rachel’s friend who’s a boy sacrificed his…something for her life, and Nicole seems to have made a deal with the devil, AKA a terrifying middle-aged lady Clanton named Margo. Oh, and thanks to her, she consumed some demon bees/insects/bugs. So, just…not great all around.

We open on a wedding scene with fuzzy enough edges to let us know that it’s a dream. Jeremy and Doc are on either side of officiant Randy Nedley, and a not-weather-appropriately-dressed Wynonna is walking an ecstatic Nicole down the aisle. Everyone looks amazing, of course, but…dressed a bit somber for a traditional wedding. Just when I thought I couldn’t love best friends Nicole and Wynonna’s relationship more, Nicole calls her “sis.” My heart.

Except my heart is also pretty anxious, because there’s no second bride anywhere and, well, this seems like things could go sideways real fast.

So far away

At least two people I think I recognize from The Glory Hole are there, which I guess means Doc was in charge of the invitations. Wynonna acknowledges the sacrifices that Nicole made to keep the Homestead safe, and Nicole explains that she’d do anything for her family, to which Wynonna responds with a flippant “if you say so.”

No.

Nicole can’t find Waverly, and Wynonna tells her it’s because of what Nicole did, and Nicole asks what that could possibly be. She tries and seems to be physically unable to get the words out. The boys all glare at her, and Doc’s is interspersed with some casual eye bleeding. Nicole looks down and sees a lighter in her hand and lights up Wynonna’s cigar since it’s a happy day, after all. 

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place any more?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Nicole (and everyone else) begins to cough, and she wakes up in bed with Waverly to a blaring fire alarm and smoke coming in under the door of their bedroom. She tries to wake up Waverly, but her bonus blanket must be a weighted one, because that girl is sleeping like an angel…and won’t wake up.

It doesn’t help to know you’re just time away
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood

A panicked Nicole jumps out of bed, pours water on a cloth, and uses it as a temporary smoke shield, and not just to protect herself from her smokeshow girlfriend. She firewoman carries (!) Waverly out of the bedroom and through the burning house. 

Wynonna is sleeping in the barn and abruptly wakes up draws on Doc, who’s watching her sleep, with a gun under her pillow. She may not have Peacemaker, but she’s still protecting most of herself…just maybe not her heart.

Doc explains that he’s been keeping watch over all of them, since his “condition” means he doesn’t need to sleep, and what would he do with all that free time, anyway? You can’t have craft night every night. They both acknowledge that they don’t talk about any of their problems anymore — Doc’s being a vampire, Alice being gone, just their completely fucked lives in general — which felt pretty grown-up for them as a couple, actually.

Holding you again could only do me good

Wynonna gets out of bed, and let’s just take a moment to discuss her sleeping attire. First of all, bras are so 2019, much less sleeping in one, and that doesn’t exactly look like comfy sports bar. Second, how dare she look so good?

Oh, how I wish I could but you’re so far away

Doc doesn’t seem to be plagued by the same logistics questions I am, though, and it looks like she’s about to get another kind of pistol sharing her pillow, before they’re interrupted by the smell of smoke. They rush outside and see smoke pouring out of the Homestead and flames inside. All Wynonna can think of is Waverly, of course, but I thought it was cute that Doc called out for Nicole and Rachel. I love a non-nuclear family.

Good news — Rachel put it out, and the only casualties were the couch and most of Wynonna’s porn. Even better news — Nicole comes stumbling out with Waverly, who does wake up and is adorably confused. 

The next morning, this cobbled-together family has some cozy quality time on the front porch. Doc is earnest, Wynonna is inappropriate, and Rachel teases her for it, all while Nicole and Waverly look on with the softest, most adorable smiles on their faces as they’re cuddled up with each other and some blankets. It all turns into a live-action rendition of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” as they take turns blaming each other for setting the living room ablaze.

One more song about moving along the highway
Can’t say much of anything that’s new

When they realize it couldn’t have been any of them, they wonder if the Clantons attacked. Doc looks at the tracks and says it wasn’t anything on foot, so if it was an outside attack, it had to have been supernatural.

If I could only work this life out my way
I’d rather spend it being close to you

They try and work out if the Clantons are supernatural — they know the Reaper is, but Doc points out it walked on two legs. They decide to dig a little deeper in The Glory Hole.

Wynonna makes a great first impression on Amon, doing her best Faith impression and shooting towards him with a crossbow, but he is unfazed, mostly, but super happy to meet her. He seems to have misplaced his shirt again, but he doesn’t let that stand in his way of being a good host. Doc seems a little nervous about bringing the wife to work, but Wynonna and Amon are immediately charmed by each other, and maybe a little too much for Doc, as he feels the need to physically step between them. His baby mama and his sugar daddy? A recipe for disaster.

Amon says that only a coward would set fire to a home full of women, and Wynonna calls him out for being a little bit sexist. Men are just as capable of dying in a fire, sir. 

She says it was the Clantons, but Amon doesn’t like to talk about them in his precious Glory Hole. They’re not demons, per se, but they’re “a little less and a little more,” which is super helpful, Amon, thank you. He suggests that she go find Peacemaker and gives her a lead on how she can find it. 

But you’re so far away
Doesn’t anybody stay in one place any more?

At the former and now current BBD offices at the sheriff’s department, Jeremy is Queer Eyeing up the place, deciding what stays and what goes, and Cleo’s leopard-print couch is in the “go” pile, even though it would complement one of Vampire!Doc’s shirts nicely. Cleo works Jeremy over with a little bit of light threatening, but he’s a supervisor now and remains (mostly) unfazed. Holt confirms that all the paperwork is in order, and Cleo’s so mad she throws a crystal pineapple, which I feel like really outs her as the 1% in Purgatory. 

Cleo tells her brother that it’s time to man up before they lose control of the town, and Holt just looks…tired. She is tired of Margo dictating what they do, but he just can’t even bring himself to care. It seems like he just wants to keep his Stetson down, do his job (that he stole), and throw tiny, little jabs at Nicole whenever he can, which happens to be right now.

Waverly is thrilled to be reunited with her best buddy Jer-bear, but Nicole’s greeting for him is less Haught, more icy. He insists he let himself lose touch because he knew she could handle herself, and Nicole also looks tired, plus a little bit frustrated. She’s tired of always being the strong one, because it obviously has made her do some things she’s not proud of. They both did what they had to to survive, but it sure would have been easier if they had been able to survive together. 

It would be so fine to see your face at my door
It doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Amon pours Wynonna and Doc a drink, and while we see Wynonna turn down a drink for the first time ever, fearful it’s drugged (pot/kettle much, Wynonna?), Doc has no such qualms. Amon has heard from his drunk demon patrons that there’s a place where “cherished but forgotten items end up,” and he thinks Peacemaker could be there. (Maybe that’s where Calamity Jane is!) Doc doesn’t understand why a demon is helping them find a demon-killing gun, but it’s simple — Dong Corleone here wants to be the Head Demon in Charge, and right now, that’s the Clantons. With them gone, he could be the biggest Dong in — anyway, you get it.

Amon tells them that they’re going to need an offering to exchange for Peacemaker, and he writes down what that offering should be on a coaster, I guess, and passes it over. Why don’t people just talk to each other anymore? And if that coaster is a lying coaster, well, Wynonna will come back and kill him.

Yeah, yeah, so far away

The movers are moving the Clantons out of the BBD offices, and Waverly’s moving in her boxes of files. Nicole is lesbianing a new lock on the door, which Wynonna promptly breaks as she flings the door open. Doc is very excited to see Jeremy, but…not as excited as Jeremy is to see him. Wynonna fills them in on the hot goss — the Clantons are definitely Transformers (the “more than meets the eye” part, not the “robots in disguise,” probably), and Amon knows where Peacemaker is. Nicole and Doc are suspicious of Amon’s motivations and accuracy, but Waverly’s just excited.

The little voice inside NIcole’s head must be doing its best Sarah Palin impression because she holds out her drill like it’s a gun, a sinister smile taking over her face, and drills, baby, drills. Into the air. Like, possessed, bored, or just plain angry, what does this accomplish? 

A shout from Wynonna snaps her out of the trance, and she sheepishly tries to cover up that she obviously didn’t know what was going on. The problem with being the most capable person in the room is that oftentimes people don’t notice when you’re falling apart.

Doc questions the sanity of trusting a demon, but Waverly points out it worked for her in the past, and it has — Widow Beth. Doc himself. Champ. Maybe Nicole at this point.

The team is in agreement that she needs to trust Amon, and though Doc has serious misgivings, they move forward. 

Speaking of the team, Nicole realizes they’re one short, and the short one in question is currently stalking “hanging out” at her boy friend’s junkyard. She tells Nicole that she’s at the rec center after she ignores her call. There’s no sign of Billy, but there are a shit ton of genuine Calgary deer hanging out and looking for car parts, probably. Maybe they’re Uncle Ike’s pets.

Wynonna is surprised to find out that the GRT (nice new nickname, Nicole) has a museum, but the Mean Girls hanging out there think she’s an idiot because everyone knows about it. I’m a little surprised they’re hanging out there, but whatever — what else is there to do in Purgatory? On their way to the special collection “A Woman Scorned,” Wynonna shouts “she doesn’t even go here” to her new young friends, and I assume they scurried off to get some cheese fries. 

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Wynonna finds Doc fixated on an olden-timey interview with his “friend,” Wyatt. He’s transfixed, listening to him talk about destiny, fate, and having a choice. “Destiny is that which we are drawn towards, and fate is that which we run into. You tell me if I had a choice” — Interesting words here. I wonder if he had any idea what literal hell his actions would bring down onto his descendants, whether they wanted it or not. They can’t choose their own destiny, not even if they wanted to, because of the fate that his life has brought upon them.

Jeremy accidentally interrupts Nicole and Waverly and apologizes for “pulling a Wynonna” on them. They decide that the place needs some comfy seating, so they decide to keep Cleo’s printed couch. Jeremy sees right through them, though, and Nicole jumps up and takes one of his binders in an effort to just get out of that conversation, probably. They’re Black Badge’s research on the Old West families, and they hope that the research will help help them find Peacemaker. Nicole points out that she wasn’t able to find her, but Jeremy says she’s not the Earp heir…and Nicole asks if he would have stayed in touch if she were.

Ouch.

Jeremy asks if she wanted him to call on his phone that BBD was tracking.

Okay, ouch again.

But Waverly quickly tries to defuse the situation and asks about Robin, but all Jeremy is willing to tell them is that he’s safe, which Nicole calls him out for. But Jeremy says what we’ve all been feeling about everyone left behind — they did what they needed to do to survive. I guess that looks different for everyone. 

Nothing else to do but close my mind

She starts thinking about Jeremy saying that and what it means for her and immediately clutches her side in pain. He apologizes for snapping at her, thinking that’s what the problem is, but it seems to be a bit more than just a gay tiff between gay friends. She starts throwing up and then is struck by a memory. It’s been a year since her family disappeared, and she’s making a deal with Margo. She ends up sobbing, promising anything for Margo’s help in getting Waverly back, although we don’t know what it was she agreed to, exactly, because Margo whispers her terms despite the fact that they’re the only two in the room. And then she ends up cackling uncontrollably, which, you know, usually isn’t a good sign at a negotiation.

Nicole, out of her memories, is doing her best Meat Loaf impression and even though she’d do anything for love, she really didn’t think she’d do that…whatever that is. Probably not just throwing up a bunch.

Waverly is shocked to find Nicole, hunched on the floor in pain, with some puke in front of her, and it would seem that Nicole wasn’t just being withholding about when her family was in the Garden — she legitimately didn’t remember, until now. And in a swift move from Meat Loaf to Celine Dion, it’s all coming back, it’s coming back to her now. But every time she tries to tell them what she did, she throws up again…and it escalates from paper to frogs. 

I sure hope the road don’t come to own me

Back at the museum, Wynonna and Doc are listening to Wyatt talk about how the first time he met John Henry Holliday, Doc saved him from being shot in the back. “I knew I was bound to him…forever.” Good news, Wyatt — he’s pretty interested in being bound to your great-great-grandaughter, too.

Doc says he had no idea who the man he shot was, and I’m sure this isn’t important detail that will come up later, so we’ll just move on. A pause in their conversation lets us hear the narrator on Wyatt’s biopic say “…justice against the remaining Clanton cowboy gang.” Hmm…

The two are looking at photos on the wall and happen to see one with Rosita in it, and Wynonna is instantly triggered, remembering how she tried to steal their baby. Wynonna wishes she could send her back to Hell, and I’m sure this is all just wishful thinking and we definitely won’t see Rosita soon, but I would like to say Wynonna needs to maybe see things from another perspective here. I understand why she’s upset, sure, but she really backed Rosita into a corner. Remember how all any of us are trying to do is survive? That’s all Rosita was doing, and she didn’t have any other choice but to try to use what leverage she had. I hope Wynonna gets to a place where she can see this, because until then, we’re in a fight, and I don’t like to fight with my friends.

Wyatt is still droning onscreen, because there’s nothing old white men love more than hearing themselves talk. The topic has moved to the shootout at the OK Corral, and though he hasn’t wanted to talk about it in the past, he says that he knew that there “wouldn’t be peace” until the Clantons were defeated. He says he was happy when Doc took the first shot, but seems like Wyatt is recalling some selective history. Doc didn’t shoot first, and he takes issue with the description of him being “the most talented loose cannon [Wyatt] ever did see.” His former best friend seems to be more of the “shoot first, look for redemption never” sort of person, and it seems like Doc can’t believe what he’s hearing. He’s being described as a worthless hired gun who rolled off and on whatever woman he could find and only existed to do Wyatt’s bidding. It really hurts when we find out the people we treasure do not think of us the same.

There’s so many dreams I’ve yet to find

Wynonna wonders if Wyatt would be proud of her, and after hearing him talk, Doc isn’t certain that his opinion matters anymore. Wyatt isn’t the person Doc thought he was, at least not at the end.

Cleo and Holt are prepping veggies for dinner, probably, or making something for the demon bees to eat. Cleo feels like she deserves the pain from her knife wound, but Holt doesn’t feel like anyone deserves the life they have. Margo comes in and gives Cleo a hard time for crying, but it’s because of the fourteen pounds of onions she’s chopping, not actual emotion. Margo says today is a day for celebration, because the end of the Earps is coming soon and she is pretty stoked about it, and not just because she thinks her kids won’t be able to carry on her twisted legacy of abuse and hatred. 

Cleo and Holt aren’t so sure there’s reason to celebrate, though, because Mam is heavy on the insults and light on the details. All she says is that they’ll take care of the destruction of one another, and she leaves the particulars to their imagination. And apparently the best way to celebrate the downfall of your enemies is to break a glass, because she slams it on the table. Just…why? Who’s gonna clean that up? I mean, Cleo, probably, because I don’t think this family is one to buck gender norms or the power of the matriarchy.

Nedley is cleaning up glass at Shorty’s (I guess Chrissy left it to him after she went back to full-time chloroform production) and cursing the women’s softball league who left the place in shambles. Nicole stumbles in, asking for tequila to get the frog out of her throat, with Jeremy and Waverly on her heels. Nedley suggests some soup and One Day at a Time, but not even Rita Moreno can help Nicole. Nedley thinks it must be some kind of hex, but when he asks for particulars, Nicole empties the contents of her stomach into a bucket, but when she tries to spit the tequila in the bucket, too, Waverly stops her. It isn’t the frogs’ fault they’re in Nicole’s stomach, after all, and no one knows if frogs even like tequila.

But you’re so far away

Nicole tries a different tactic and tries to write down what cursed her, but instead she just draws…tadpoles, which isn’t super helpful but is very funny. Nedley points out that it doesn’t matter why she’s puking up frogs — what matters is that she stops. 

Doc and Wynonna find the painting they’re supposed to lift, called A Woman Scorned, and even though they don’t understand why anyone would want it, Doc trusts that someone will. He decides against any fancy trickery and just  picks it up and walks out of the museum with it…and it doesn’t take long for the collectors to appear. A Celtic sisters’ knot, “symbolizing sisterhood and the strong eternal bond that women share,” appears above a nearby doorway, so that appears to be their next stop. Loud church bells ring, and when Doc manages to recover from that, Wynonna is gone, presumably to engage in some strong eternal bonding with other women. Now we’re talkin’.

Wynonna has been transported to what looks at first glance like The Salvatore School, but is actually The Sanctuary of the Scorned Woman  — just as supernatural, but with 100% more nuns. It’s “a place of cleansing for women who have lost their way” — you know, like Wynonna. A woman dressed in white (that is very reminiscent of the gals at Yiska’s cult, but I’m just gonna leave that there and not mention it again) is getting baptized with a pitcherful of water, then sits up, refreshed, like she’s in a yogurt commercial.

Wynonna tells Mother Inferior that her way is just fine, thank you, but Sixpence Nun the Richer says that she wants to set Wynonna free from her own judgments, not the judgment of others. Hi, yes, I would like to get in on this, please. Is there a sign-up? I’d rock a wimple and have no issue spending time only in the company of other women.

Wynonna gets down to business and says she’s here for her gun-sword, handing over the ugly painting as payment, but when the Head Nun in Charge speaks some Latin and spritzes a little holy water on it, the painting changes. Instead of vague grey shapes, it’s a woman in a gulch. 

The missing item Wynonna is supposed to return isn’t the painting itself, but the scorned woman depicted in it. Wynonna wants her gun to help on her quest, but when she tries to find it in the Room of Nunquirement, the sword is a little gun-shy. Maybe it’s because the curse is broken, maybe it’s because Peacemaker is just enjoying a little staycation…or maybe it’s because she was never there in the first place. All for Nun suggests that maybe it’s time to hang up her guns and seek “a life of peace,” but Wynonna has a good point — when the beasties keep seeking her out, how exactly is she supposed to find peace? Besides, being normal, like perfection, is overrated. 

Doc has his pistol pointing at Amon at the Glory Hole, demanding to know where Wynonna is, but Amon has no idea. He’s the Switzerland of demons — he doesn’t pick sides, and he probably also possesses a lot of inner tools. He would like Doc to lower his voice, though, because Holt is enjoying a beer just out of earshot. Doc points out that sometimes you need to pick a side, and he takes Amon’s bottle and goes to join Holt for a stiff one, introducing himself to the new sheriff in town.

Their reputations precede each other, and so Holt wants to know what Doc really wants. Deliverance? Peace? A way to calm his angry mind? But Doc’s just trying to find out why he’s there, at a demon bar, and it turns out Holt is a simple man. He just wanted a beer.

The conversation quickly deteriorates and Holt asks Doc if there’s any joy in being “the fastest gunslinger in the West,” when all you do is take down people who don’t have the chance to fight back. But Doc realized a long time ago that “some people deserve to be shot,” something that Wynonna would probably agree with. Holt points out that the victor writes the history books, and his family weren’t the victors, so he has a different view on what happened at the So-So Corral. He tries outdrawing Doc but fails, and he wonders which of them deserves to die. Doc talks about the war they’re in, but Holt says it’s not a war — it’s a town with women who expect both them to fight to the death. Seems like Holt’s tired of all of it, and Doc’s questioning everything that led them there.

Nicole apologizes because she’s the one who needs to be taken care of for once, but Waverly would be willing to do it for the rest of their lives. Nicole tries to explain why she’s been avoiding the conversation but has a case of froggus interruptus. But Waverly doesn’t see how Nicole could do a truly bad thing — she is Nicole, after all. Nicole is the only one who knows what she’s capable of, I guess. Anything for the girl.

Doesn’t anybody stay in one place any more?

Jeremy’s found three possible cures — a spell reflection, which could end with Nicole being a demon dog (if it were a demon cat, maybe we’d land on that one); a salted-holy-water drowning that should result in exorcism but could also result in death; and an antidote soup made with ingredients every self-respecting vegan has in their kitchen, that if it doesn’t work could result in snake intestines. Option three it is — FOR FREEDOM!

Wynonna chooses that moment to come home, but talking about Jeremy and Waverly helping has triggered Nicole’s frog reflex, and she frogs all over Wynonna’s boots, which Jeremy dutifully cleans up. Waverly knows it’s all hands on deck, so she tries to reach Rachel, who’s still skulking about the junkyard. That thing must be massive. Wonder if there’s a treehouse in the middle of it.

Rachel calls Billy and tries to track him down with his ringtone, which — I’m sorry, I can get on board with immortal vampire dentists, lesbians who wear bullet-proof vests, a demon-killing gun, and a half-angel who’s perfect in every way, but a teenager who keeps his sound on? I call shenanigans.

Wynonna brings her best friend an apology beer to settle the frogs (maybe they’ll stay put if they’re drunk?) because she assumes Nicole got caught up in the Earp/Clanton family feud, and this one wasn’t hosted by Richard Dawson. She says she understands if Nicole doesn’t want to join the family, but it would take more than some biblical plagues to keep Haught from her Waves. The fact is, Nicole is afraid that her angel won’t want to be her bride once she finds out what she did, but Wynonna thinks that’s a load of frog vomit. Sure, maybe she did some terrible things — who hasn’t in that family? — but she never gave up on them.

But the thing is…Nicole did give up. Her faith held at first, but eventually? Eventually, she woke up and — [vomits frog]. 

Well, eventually she did something, and something to get them home, it seems like, but when Wynonna presses, so does the frog in Nicole’s esophagus, so she drops the subject like a hot amphibian.

Wynonna tells her about her day — her best long-term relationship, Peacemaker, swiped left on her, and she doesn’t know how to handle it. She shows Nicole the painting and says that if she has any hope of making peace once again, she needs to find the woman, whoever she is, wherever she may be…

Which of course Nicole knows where it is — she calls it Steve Gulch, a place where two naked climbers named Steve got trapped. They lament how there are no good men, especially Steves, left, and here comes Doc in Charlene, but as soon as Nicole sees him, she starts to retch again, so she goes inside to check on her snake juice.

Waverly has it ready to go and it just needs to simmer, but a tranced Nicole takes the mixture and dumps it down the sink. To be fair, it made Wynonna’s chili look palatable, but this was going to solve her frog problem. Nicole apologizes with the same level of sincerity as my nephews when they kick each other in the face, and then opens up the pen drawer to look at the shiny knives. 

Wynonna explains to Doc that she could feel Peacemaker in the nunnery but just could’t get a response. She says she’s not the heir anymore — or much of anything, so it makes sense that her best baby is done with her. But Doc thinks she’s everything, but not loudly enough for her to hear him. 

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

She presses him about what he meant at the museum when he said she might not be proud of Wyatt, and he points out that they were immortalized as heroes for killing people. Sure, the Clantons broke the law, but everyone was doing that. The only difference between them and Doc and Wyatt were their badges. He wonders if their legacy of mayhem and murder will be the end of them all, and maybe they should just walk away. Wynonna’s worried that everyone’s going soft on her, but good news — Nicole’s not. She just walked in the barn and threw a knife at them, so I’m pretty sure that nonviolence is the last thing on her mind.

She attacks Wynonna with a meat cleaver and manages to scratch her, and Wynonna punches Nicole in the face, but not before apologizing to Waverly for doing it. I mean, kind of. In her own way.

It may be only a scratch, but it’s enough to activate Doc’s fight-or-fang response, and he slinks away. The punch was a good one, because the possession has been temporarily knocked out of Haught, and Wynonna’s ready to take the fight to the Clantons. Doc’s found Nicole’s yesterday clothes in the barn, which smell of gasoline, and the same lighter from Nicole’s wedding dream is in the jacket pocket. Nicole set the fire.

Wynonna is gearing up to take on the Clantons, but Nicole says she can’t do it without Peacemaker, and the committee agrees. First they try and find the scorned woman and procure Peacemaker. If that doesn’t work, then they go to Plan B and take on the Clantons alone. But together.

Doc and Wynonna gear up for the gulch, and Waverly ties up Nicole…again, apparently.

Don’t worry about it.

Jeremys trying (unsuccessfully) to scrape up the remnants of the snake juice from the sink, and Nicole is asking Waves to make her bonds tighter. Waverly doesn’t want to hurt her but agrees to go get the cuffs from upstairs. While she’s gone, Nicole tells Jeremy with her eyes what she wants him to do, and he insists that he won’t, but we all know he probably will.

Rachel finally finds Billy’s phone in the barn, and all it’s showing is a bunch of missed calls and days-old unread texts from her. Billy is standing right behind her, but despite seemingly having a chill, she doesn’t see him. Seems Billy is a Reaper. I hope we don’t need to fear him.

And it doesn’t help to know you’re so far away

Waverly’s just found the handcuffs under the bed, just as Nicole’s coming up to supervise. 

Since Nicole’s the pro, she takes the handcuffs and attaches one of them to the bed. She tells Waverly she how much she loves her — the first time since Waverly’s been back — and then handcuffs her to the footboard. Jeremy’s standing in the doorway, and Waverly asks him to do something, which he is…but it’s not something she’s going to like. Waverly slowly realizes what they’re going to do, and she screams that she’s going to kill them.

At Shorty’s, Nedley’s dealing with more broken glass from the softball league when Jeremy and Nicole burst in. They’re on a mission, but before that, Nicole has to apologize for trying to kill him for the last 18 months. But it’s okay — Nedley knows what he was and what he did, and he doesn’t blame her for not recognizing him. She’s not willing to let herself off the hook, though — Randy Nedley’s been the most reliable constant in her life, and she let him down. She let everyone down.

It sounds like she could use a cleansing bath from Sister Save Your Women.

Nicole tells Nedley she needs help, and he agrees without asking what it is…which he probably regrets after she tells him to kill her.

Wynonna and Doc are hiking in the snow, looking for a few good Steves, and she tells him that being the Earp Heir is the only thing she’s ever been good at. Even though Doc is having second thoughts about the legacy he’s leaving on the world, it doesn’t mean Wynonna is ready to hang up her gun. They  finally locate Steve Gulch, and, as foretold, a woman is standing between the Steves. She turns…and it’s Rosita. The description “a woman scorned” is accurate. Rosita deserved better, and I hope this is the first step towards it. 

Yeah, yeah, so far away

Waverly has finally managed to free herself from her cuffs, and she finds everyone at Shorty’s…drowning her girlfriend in a metal tub of (I assume) holy water. Jeremy’s holding her down, and Nedley is reading out loud from a book and wearing a wolf’s head? Okay, moving along.

Nicole was fighting it when Waverly first arrived, but she’s now motionless in the water. It appears that the boys have succeeded in killing her. Waverly can’t believe what she’s seeing.

“I know how this looks,” Jeremy says, straight to Waverly (and to camera). “But I’m asking you to trust us.”

Yeah, you’re so far away

Wow. What an ending.

Another terrific episode, this one crafted by the amazingly talented Noelle Carbone, and the most recent in a season of episodes where each one is better than the last. It was hilariously and heart-warmingly written, beautifully shot, and took my breath away for all of the reasons.

I absolutely loved the opening “wedding” scene. It was touching and heartbreaking at the same time, and the way it was shot with the music, the jump cuts, the fuzzy edges, and the music all worked together to create an unforgettable scene. The dialogue made my heart burst and ache at the same time. And it was just a gorgeous scene — the stark black outfits with pops of red over the snowy Alberta landscape was just really, really amazing. 12/10 would be willing to get married this way (if it were real). 

I was tickled by Amon using the word “scourge” and Wynonna mishearing it as “Scrooge,” and I thought his gentle correction was amused without being condescending, a pairing that’s difficult to find these days in a mansplainer. 

Doc looks so sad to hear what Wyatt said about him. I know there’s been some joking about the true nature of their relationship, mostly from me, and Wyatt even talks about him here like an ex rather than a friend. I’m sure Doc wonders if that was really how his best friend saw him all those years ago, or if it’s just another case of the last one standing writing the history books. And is this a hint for things to come? Will we see more of Wyatt, and will Doc be able to confront him?

I loved how Wynonna tried to give Nicole an out if she doesn’t want to join their family, but what Wynonna doesn’t understand is that she’s already in it. She’s an Earp as much as she’s a Haught, and she’s got Purgatory in her bones just the same as the rest of them do. And it was a great example of how Nicole is more than just “Waverly’s girlfriend.” The conversation may have started with talking about her, but it moved to two best friends talking about their insecurities with each other. 

I got on this bus four seasons ago, and I fully trust the people driving this bus. I understand that some twists and turns the bus takes will be scary, but I’m confident that the driver will get us where we want to be. I can’t wait to see how they have Nicole come back to us, and what possible repercussions there will be. Will she still be hexed but finally able to tell them what he promised? What did she promise, anyway? Did she give away Alice so the Clantons can finally put an end to the Earps? Or did it hit closer to home, with some sort of pain to be brought upon Wynonna? Whatever it is, it’ll be better and more interesting than I can imagine, and i’m sure at this time next week, I’m going to be cursing a hiatus of unknown length because of whatever cliffhanger awaits us.

Favorite lines:

  • Breathe, asshole!
  • That’s not why they make lube.
  • “This coming from the guy who works for the biggest demon Don Corleone in town.” “I’ve never seen Amon’s — i definitely don’t know the size of the –”
  • In the future, if you want to hurt me, just say please.
  • I love balls!
  • I don’t bottom for anyone, not even you.
  • Yo! “Extreme Makeover: Homo Edition” — kill the drill.
  • Now museum; now you don’t.
  • Well, next time don’t make a deal with a Stone Witch and then become a vampire. 
  • Come now, we have a heist to attend to. 
  • Noble men do not have the luxury of being neutral in times of war.
  • What up, Kermit?

Monica’s Random Thoughts of Randomness:

  • I mean…I guess they did give us a WayHaught wedding, kind of.
  • I love that Nicole has her shoes right by the bed, ready to put on as soon as she gets up. It’s such a cold tidy thing to do.
  • Every single one of Doc’s scenes with Wynonna and with Amon are just dripping with…chemistry. Yep, chemistry.
  • I love that Nicole has obviously filled Rachel in on the life and times of the Earps. I just picture them every night by the fire, telling stories of the family they missed, all while building their own family.
  • Wynonna’s hand gesture when she asks if Nicole and Waverly started a sex fire is priceless.
  • Doc’s having memorized everyone’s shoe sizes is simultaneously sexy and creepy.
  • So Wynonna is just telling everyone that Peacemaker is missing? Cool cool cool.
  • I liked that Nicole didn’t give Jeremy a pass for abandoning her. I know he probably had his reasons and that he thought they were good, but she really had a tough time. She deserved better, and he needs to know that.
  • I find it very interesting that Wynonna calls Peacemaker a “she.”
  • I absolutely love that Doc is jealous that Wynonna and Amon got along so well, and I love even more that we aren’t sure which one he’s jealous of.
  • I will never grow tired of hearing a queer character use the word “queer.”
  • It seems like Shorty’s is low on bananas and bursting with alcohol again, which feels right.
  • I guess I always assumed that Doc didn’t really seek out the company of women other than Rosita and Wynonna since escaping the well, but since he made the acquaintance of some tattooed sorority sisters from Wesleyan, well, I guess that’s inaccurate.
  • I do love it when Doc says “tarnation.”
  • Performer of the Week to the woman who got water dumped on her face and didn’t even flinch. Bravo, Sarah Haggeman. Bravo.
  • I loved the scene with Wynonna in the nunnery. Lots of clever wordplay and puns, plus a nun with a questionable agenda. That’s right up my alley.
  • “Kill the lesbian? Not on my watch!” — Randy Nedley, probably
  • I very much enjoyed Wynonna and Doc’s conversation about Jane Fonda.

See you next week, friends. All of you…and Nicole, too.

Wynonna Earp airs Sundays at 10/9c on SYFY and CTV Sci-Fi.