Wynonna Earp Recap: If I Only Had a Brain

Hello, friends, and welcome to another episode of Wynonna Earp! We’re halfway through the back half of the season, and I kind of can’t believe it. We’ve had three terrific episodes that I really enjoyed, but I’m excited to see where the rest of the mythology stuff (Eve? The Garden? Chrissy Nedley’s eggplant? *cough* Willa? *cough) takes us. No time to waste here, friends, so let’s get into it. Grab your favorite sandwich, make sure to know your capital cities, and be sure not to kick any chickens on video, because here we go!

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Rachel released Billy from the basement; no-longer-Sheriff Haught was nervous in public, and, oh, yeah, she agreed to trade Doc to the Clantons for help rescuing them from the Garden; Doc did his best Bobo Del Rey impression and had Amon dealt with; and Waverly encouraged Wynonna to just call Doc.

Nicole and her Daddy jokes are sparring with Wynonna at BBD. They’re pretty evenly matched, but Wynonna continues to get the upper hand…and one time got punched in the box. Waverly finds them and the sisters gang up on HaughtPocket, saying that since she managed to leave the Homestead for some training, the sheriff’s department is just right across the hallway. She suddenly realizes that she’s been double-Earped as her fiancée tries to convince her that the only sheriff Purgatory needs right now is her. Nicole says they didn’t vote for her so they don’t get her, and honestly, I get it. Why try and be somewhere that doesn’t want you?

I could while away the hours

Wynonna reminds the taller half of HeatWave of the time she said that everything good happened in her life because she came back to the Ghost RIver Triangle, and neither she nor I appreciate the feelings reminder right now, especially when Waverly brings up Doc. She’s had enough and leaves, promising to see them both at trivia night. Waverly convinces Wynonna to help the people in the sheriff’s office since Nicole left, because someone has to step up and try to help this town. Why not the nicest person in Purgatory and her sister that everyone hates?

Besides, the town is nice and quiet right now…and then we see a werewolf find what looks like a vampire victim. Super quiet! Practically whispering!

Nedley catches Nicole trying to sneak a beer from the apparently-now-fully-functional taps, and he reminds her that only active-duty police can drink at his Shorty’s. She agrees to help him set up for trivia night as long as he backs off the sheriff stuff, and he reminds her that she was the best sheriff the town has had…since him, of course. Which would only be her and Holt, I think? Whatever. He’s still right.

Nedley tells Nicole that it sounds like she’s just butthurt, and she insists she’s too busy with Rachel to take on anything else. He tells her that she somehow managed to miss that Rachel freed Billy from the basement. Whoops…but also, why wasn’t this a big-enough deal to warrant a group text?

Wynonna brings Waves a hot beverage of some sort and finds her trying to help the citizens of Purgatory with their life-or-death problems, like Gil’s complaint that every pharmacy is out of moisturizer. Well, Gil, let me take a moment to suggest you try coconut oil, for it is an excellent moisturizer, but I digress. 

Gil asks about Holt, and Wynonna looks through the complaints to try and change the subject, but all the complaints are stupid, like “my neighbor painted flames on his car” and “my lettuce was cut incorrectly.” Waverly tells Wynonna that things have been hard for the citizens of Purgatory. Supplies can’t get in and people are starting to run out of everything, and all of that on top of it being a town that is a demon magnet surrounded by mind-altering non-Rihanna-concert fog. But Wynonna sees it differently — the town is a train wreck, so since things are relatively calm, they should take advantage. Go outside and do something, since it’s warmer than zero degrees and no demon beasties are about.

A bloodstained Jeremy chooses this exact moment to claim his coffee, and then suddenly realizes that maybe bloodstained isn’t a great look for public consumption. Waverly tries to play it off as cherry pie, and now all I want is cherry pie. 

Jeremy displays his cherry pie in the BBD offices, and obviously the pie is actually a dead human body. Waverly asks about the morgue, but Jeremy says the rats took it over, because apparently the rats in Purgatory are as aggressive as the raccoons in Pawnee. The deceased is Ricky Brock, and Jeremy calls his death a tragedy. Sure, he was kind of a dick who lived alone with no family, but he’s last week’s trivia winner. Waves sees this as a positive — less competition…and then immediately apologizes for saying that.

Conferrin’ with the flowers

Jeremy shows the sisters the two puncture wounds in the victim’s neck, and Wynonna immediately jumps to vampire, specifically a vampire who can’t be so self-righteous anymore if he’s draining people in the street. Plus, bonus, now she has to talk to him, which she definitely wasn’t looking for an excuse to do. Nope, not her. Proceed with jumping.

A butcher is slicing some brains in his deli slicer when he’s suddenly (bloodily) attacked, and the perp left the same puncture wounds on his neck as the previous victim.

Wynonna lubes up with some whiskey and enters The Glory Hole, where Doc’s telling stories to Dallas and Remy. She waves her gun around and vaguely threatens everyone, then asks Doc if she can have a word. She tells him she gets it — he drained a guy because his instincts took over, and her instincts are welcoming him back to the morality of them sleeping together. But Doc says she’s wrong — he’s quenching his hunger in a “morally sound way,” and Wynonna wonders how you can be morally sound while you’re spending time in a demon bar. Doc says those demons would never shoot someone in the back, and Wynonna’s had enough of him and his judgy attitude and lets Peacemaker come out to play.

Consulting with the rain

When Doc fangs out, Dallas and Remy step up and ask if he needs backup. Wynonna says he doesn’t, but asks them if they have any idea which fanged demon could be killing people. Doc says he’ll keep an eye tooth out for information, but right now, no one has anything. Dallas tells her she maybe shouldn’t stop by anymore, and Wynonna wonders where in the well Doc found minions. 

Nicole is waiting for Rachel in Shorty’s basement — she’s not mad, she’s just disappointed, but also maybe a little mad. Rachel tries to deflect what she really did, and Nicole pivots to admitting that they should have told her Billy was chained up in the basement. Rachel thought they were going to fix him, and Nicole says again they should have talked about their problems. “Like Chicken Kicker?” Rachel asks, and Nicole immediately goes from disappointed to mad and reminds her she’s not supposed to bring that up ever again, whatever that may be. Rachel apologizes — for both things — and says that Billy seemed pretty weak when she released him. Rachel takes the opportunity to tell Nicole that she thinks Doc would forgive her for what she did, if she just explained it, but Nicole isn’t so sure. I think the problem may be that Nicole still hasn’t forgiven herself. For any of it.

And my head I’d be a scratchin’

Waverly finds Jeremy doing yoga in his makeshift morgue since he hurt his back dragging in a second body. She notices that he was studying an atlas as he tells her about Niles, the second victim and another Shorty’s trivia winner. At first they think his wounds are bite marks, but the ones on his arm are too far apart for them to be teeth. So it’s not Doc, and Jeremy asks why it’s not Doc for Wynonna lately, either. Waves explains that Doc thinks that his ex has been out of control since she shot Holt in the back, and Waverly doesn’t disagree. 

Waverly notices that the victim’s head seems light, and she shines a laser pointer into his ear, which comes out on Jeremy’s pants. Sure enough, the victim has no brain, and neither does the first victim.

While my thoughts are busy hatchin’

The two try and parse out why a demon would want to steal human brains, and they’re coming up as empty as the two victim’s heads. 

If I only had a brain

A man dressed in a rumpled suit is eating what appears to be a brain sandwich, and when his bored-seeming female companion corrects one of his idioms, he says he needs more brains. 

Back at BBD, a well-labeled murderboard keeps the two brainless dead bodies and murderinos Waverly, Wynonna, and Jeremy company. Waverly and Jeremy fill in Wynonna about her least-favorite murderer — he’s a strong male in his 30s or 40s who definitely isn’t Doc Holliday. Jeremy and Waverly are arguing about who the unsub is — Jeremy’s firmly team brain-collecting demon, whereas Waverly is team maybe-not-a-demon-because-there’s-a-turquoise-smudge-on a-wound. Even though Wynonna also jumps to demon (as per usual), Waves insists it could be a human who has an inferiority complex and wants brains so they can become smart. The bickering turns heated and then nasty as they insult one another, and somehow, Wynonna is the voice of reason here and interrupts some non-sexy times for once, then proceeds to murder the murderboard. The trio is interrupted by some quacking — Waverly left her keychain in the sheriff’s office to act as a sort of hotel bell so they can be summoned if there’s trouble.

I’d unravel ev’ry riddle

A bearded, breath-mint popping man is waiting at the desk to file a complaint. His neighbors got into a kerfuffle, and the man kept shouting at the woman that he owned her before shoving her into his flame-painted car. Wynonna recognizes the car description from an earlier complaint and is able to get an address, but she and Waverly leave without hearing what the bigger problem was. As he tried to break the fight up, the aggressor got angry and said he wished ol’ beardy would eat shit…and then that’s what happened. Time for another breath mint.

The sisters find the pace car from Flavortown and locate Doug Warner, who says that’s not his name anymore. He drops some weather facts on them, but all it does is leave me wonder if he knows what the precipitation percentages mean for the coverage area.

For my individdle

They pass a room filled with random junk — toys for an adult who wants to try everything, basically, plus some gold bars — and then Waverly sees a woman chilling in a room with a hot-dog cooker and an autographed picture made out to “Kuru,” playing on her phone. Waverly checks in with her and asks if she’s okay, but she’s just focused on the trolls on the other end of her username. Waverly tells her they can get her out, but the woman says she’s wrong, but it’s okay. At least when she said that, she finally made eye contact.

In trouble or in pain

The gentleman tells Wynonna he’s eating a brain sandwich, then quickly explains it’s cow brain, then, of course, drops some cool facts about cows, like you do when you’re talking to the law. He explains to her that he used to be dumb but now he’s getting a lot smarter, and she asks Doug if he feels a compulsion for intelligence. He insists that his name is Kuru, which seems like BS, because you can’t just give yourself your own nickname, Doug! He tries to call his lady in — Jeannie, because that’s what it sounded like to me — and Wynonna warns Waverly that he’s the killer, even though Peacemaker isn’t lit, emoticon or otherwise. He insists he’s a demon and keeps trying to call Jeannie over, but Waverly isn’t having it. She’s nobody’s but her own…except Jeannie doesn’t seem to think so, since she wants to be with Doug. He tries to distract them by throwing some brain at them, sliced nice and thin, but Wynonna throat-punches him. 

With the thoughts that you’ll be thinkin’

Doug wishes Wynonna to die, and Jeannie says he has to take her hand and scratches Waverly, but Wynonna won’t let him through. He takes off outside and disappears, seemingly over the fence, and Waverly reassures Jeannie that she will be safe, though she doesn’t really seem too concerned about it, since she knows she’ll come right back to Doug. 

At the sheriff’s station, Jeannie is still on her phone, typing disinterestedly, maybe live-tweeting her favorite supernatural show about a demon-hunting gun or a teenage sleuth or an enemies-turned-friends-turned-lovers superhero show. Wynonna tries to reason with her, or at least get her to put her phone down for like two seconds, but Jeannie’s not interested. Wynonna tries to reassure her that she’s safe, laying down Peacemaker as proof, when suddenly Peacemaker lights up brighter than I will when I see my friends for the first time post-pandemic.

Suddenly, both women realize who each other is, and Jeannie tries to reassure the heir that she’s fine, not even a little bit killable. She admits that, yes, she did murder those people, but more in an indirect sort of way. She’s a genie (Jeannie the genie!), you see, and Kuru Doug is her master. And he’s got a lot of nutballs wishes.

You could be another Lincoln

Jeremy asks the jailed genie if she lives in a lamp, and it turns out that was just ONE TIME, and she doesn’t live in a trophy, either. She just needed a new master — “barf,” say Wynonna and me — and he bumped into her in a bar. That’s all it took. Just the one time, and now he’s in charge. She killed those men with her nails, sure, but it was because Doug wished for it. Turns out the moratorium on wishing for more wishes is nonexistent, and he can dream as many people dead as he wants. Usually her keepers — gross — wish for “guns for hands or a laser dick,” but Doug has her kill the smartest people in town so he can eat their brains and become smarter. Maybe by the end he’ll be smart enough to realize how he could have eliminated the middle man there.

Jeannie says that because of the infinite wishes, there’s nothing she can do to get away from Doug’s thrall, but Wynonna works out that they need to be touching, so as long as she’s in the hoosegow, she should be able to keep these two kids apart, and Wynonna’s her new shadow. 

Jeremy pulls Wynonna into the other room and shows her that “Kuru” is the disease that happens when cannibals eat human brains and hypothesizes that Doug looked that up himself and decided to make that his new name. Again, Doug, you can’t just give yourself your own nickname. That’s now how this works!

If you only had a brain.

Jeremy feels like Wynonna’s got this in the bag, so he tries to go to finals night for trivia. Wynonna suddenly feels so smart right now and works out that Jeremy’s compelled to go to trivia because it’s all a way to find out who the smartest people in town are, but since she was knocked out of the competition, she’s fine to skip it. I think this has got to be Jeannie’s plan, because it’s way too many steps for Doug. Jeremy’s going to go to trivia night with the rest of their group to try and capture Doug, who should be weakened since Jeannie is at the police station. 

Nicole’s explaining the plan to Waverly, who’s trying to scrub the brain right out of her shirt. Waverly’s excited because it’s nice to see Nicole step back in the metaphorical danger khakis for a minute, since she always loved being a cop. But now Nicole only loves trivia…and Waverly, in that order.

With Waverly standing by her side, Nicole starts to open up. She lost all of the people in her life, and then she lost the election. She had finally had enough, so she did something that made everyone in Purgatory hate her. Waverly tries to tell her it doesn’t matter, that she can just be who she is and it’s okay, but Nicole can’t let it go or forgive herself. 

Oh, I, could tell you why

Waverly feels like they’re so close to being happy, and Nicole’s job is one of the things standing in their way. Nicole’s ambition is one of the things she’s always loved about her, and she never wants to see Nicole dim that for anyone. She insists that having Waverly back is all she needs to be happy, but you can see in her eyes that she’s still holding on to a lot.

The ocean’s near the shore

Jeannie tells Wynonna that Doug will be there to get her, and when Wynonna tells her to relax, she points out that in order to do that, she’d need her own wants and desires, instead of existing only to serve her master. She technically killed people, sure, but she was just following orders. Doug’s the one with the blood on his hands, so Wynonna tells her to maybe pick a better master next time. Some of them are okay guys, but by the end, they’re all power-hungry like Doug, and that’s a sentiment Wynonna gets.

I could think of things I’d never thunk before

Nicole and Waverly get to Shorty’s, and Nicole is having a minor freak-out at being in a place with that many Purgatorians. Waverly tells her it’s going to be okay, they’re there to catch Doug, and then everyone notices who’s just gotten there. The shit-eater taunts Nicole by calling her “Chicken Kicker,” then starts to cluck at her, along with everyone else, before Nedley breaks it up and starts the trivia-night finale. Nicole tries to leave, but because of the power of the wish, she can’t leave the bar, so she goes and hides in the newly Billy-less basement.

And then I’d sit down and think some more

The finalists are Jeremy, Waverly, and…Doc, somehow, which he says is because he doesn’t sleep. Who knew he had such an affinity for late-night trivia?

What follows is a beautiful trivia montage (starting out with Celine, naturally), proving that all three of them really know their stuff. Doc finally gets knocked out because he incorrectly guessed what a dead man’s hand was, and that was because he was at the card game it’s named after and history has warped what the actual hand was. 

I would not be just a muffin

Wynonna is filling Jeannie in on what’s up with Doc, and they may both be in fucked-up situations, but at least the genie doesn’t have a choice as to who her master is. Any bad choices Wynonna makes are truly choices, since she could walk away and decides not to. They both have their masters they feel indebted to. 

Jeannie’s phone chimes and Wynonna agrees to let her have a peek, but when she turns her back, Doug has turned up in her cell. Since he’s able to touch her, his wishes can come true,  and he wishes for Wynonna to open the cell. She asks why he’s not at trivia night, and he explains his epiphany (though I’m sure he’d never call it that). “Street brains” are more important than trivia brains, and Wynonna has the streetest brain in town, so he wants hers. 

My head all full of stuffin’

At Shorty’s, Doc realizes that Wynonna is in danger since Doug still isn’t at trivia night. He begs Waverly and Jeremy to leave, but they can’t — they have to enter a sudden death round since they’re tied. Doc tries to leave, but, like Nicole, he can’t even open the door. Doc begs both of them to lose on purpose, but they try to get the other to throw the game, with no luck. He finds Nicole in the basement and explains that there needs to be a winner, so they need a distraction — it’s time for Chicken Kicker. Doc is, understandably, confused.

My heart all full of pain

Nicole and Doc go upstairs and find Rachel, and Nicole asks her for the Chicken Kicker video, which she knows Rachel would never delete in a million years. She pulls up the video, connects to the bluetooth, and plays the video. It’s a drunken Nicole interrupting Holt’s victory party, culminating in her drop-kicking a rotisserie chicken. Sure, Nicole’s put her worst moment onscreen for all to see, but it’s working — Waverly’s too distracted to answer Nedley’s question. All she can do is look at Nicole with the heartiest heart eyes that have ever existed. Jeremy’s declared the winner, and suddenly, the spell has lost its mojo, so Doc runs out the door because he’s not ready to lose his greatest love of all.

Doug, Jeannie, and Wynonna go into the makeshift morgue and Jeannie compels Wynonna to get on the table while Doug says he’s going to be the brain-remover this time. Wynonna screams for help and begs Jeannie to get Peacemaker, but she can’t stand the screaming, so she casually suggests that quiet would be better, making Doug wish for Wynonna to stop screaming. Sweaty Doug doesn’t feel so great, so he wishes for a bigger knife, because that’s definitely the problem. Suddenly, he keels over, dead, and Wynonna’s able to move again. Jeannie insists that she was killing time because she knew his brain was rotting, but I’m not so sure her intentions were that pure. Doc finally gets there, better late than never, and Jeannie can definitely see the appeal. 

Back at the bar, Waverly and Jeremy drink to his victory, and Nicole decides to Haught up and talk to Doc. She explains that, yes, she made the deal to trade him to Mam Clanton, but it was the only way she could be sure to bring Waverly home. Nicole doesn’t know why the Clantons wanted him; the only thing she knew was that whatever it was, on the off chance Doc Holliday couldn’t handle it, the rest of them, together, could figure it out, because she’d fight for him, too. Doc calls her “Sheriff Haught,” explaining the badge alone doesn’t give you the authority, and encourages her to talk to the citizens of Purgatory.

And perhaps I’d deserve you

Nicole stands up in front of everyone and asks them who voted for her. When no one raises their hand, she explains that she doesn’t care, because everyone makes mistakes. She loudly proclaims herself Chicken Kicker, but that’s Sheriff Chicken Kicker now, because she promised to protect the town and that’s what she’s going to do. It doesn’t matter if people break the law, or don’t like her because she’s an outsider or because she’s gay. She’s there to protect and fight for everyone, not just the ones who are on her side. 

Nedley stands next to Nicole, pledging his support and saying that they’ve all made mistakes. Shit-eating Cooper admits that they do need her as sheriff, and right there in Shorty’s, Nedley declares that “the re-vote’s unanimous” and she’s sheriff again. She hugs and kisses Waverly in front of everyone at the bar, finally comfortable showing who she is and what’s important to her. 

And be even worthy of you

Jeannie’s leaving the sheriff’s department and runs into Wynonna, then asks if she’s there to be her new handler. Wynonna taps Peacemaker tellingly on her leg, Jeannie doesn’t get it — the bad guy died; the hero won, so why does she need to die, too? Wynonna sees it differently — having a genie around is dangerous, and also she gets off on the killing, even though it’s ostensibly done in someone else’s name. All the rush of the killing, none of the guilt because she’s just doing her job.

Sounds familiar.

Wynonna and Peacemaker step closer, and Jeannie doubles down. She insists she “can stop what’s coming,” but Wynonna knows she doesn’t need any demonic help for that. She even offers to make Doc love her again, but that’s not what Wynonna wants. It has to be real, or it means nothing at all, and she can’t stomach the thought of what means everything to her mean nothing to him.

Jeannie says they’re the same, just with different masters, and Wynonna tells her the difference is that Wynonna can’t walk away. Jeannie can, because Wynonna’s about to give her a way out, and Wynonna shoots her, freeing her from her master.

If I only had a brain

I really liked this week’s monster, and Jeannie might be up there with one of my favorites of the series. It was really interesting to see Wynonna go up against someone you could tell she genuinely liked, especially a foe who was so similar to her in terms of who they worked for, so to speak. Wynonna feels like she’s necessary and is using Peacemaker to send the demons to hell, but is she just lying to herself? Does she have a taste for it now and is using Peacemaker as her excuse of why she’s killing, like she accused Jeannie of doing? 

This episode really brought up a lot of issues surrounding choices and making the impossible ones that you feel you have to, from Nicole and Doc to Wynonna and Peacemaker to Jeannie and Doug. They all say they don’t have a choice and they have reason to do the things they do, but is it true? Are there other options? Doc has said that Wynonna taught him that there’s always another way, but is there? Would they have gotten out of the Garden if Nicole hadn’t frogged her deal? Did Jeannie bump into Doug or was it really vice versa? And can Wynonna stop killing demons and walk away from her broken curse? She can, but would she? Will she? Will Alice ever get her mother back?

Monica’s Favorite Lines:
  • 18 months to practice. All you got is older.
  • The gun does tend to go to their head.
  • If you have an emergency, quack it!
  • I don’t even like shit.
  • Well, we know he has a small dick.
  • “Open up, it’s the…” “Earp sisters.”
  • “Isn’t that against genie rules?” “No, and don’t be superstitious.”
  • As if, Oldie Hawn.
  • I finally get Wynonna’s bad-boy thing. Chicken Kicker is hot.
  • You’ve got to listen to the screams. You’ve got to look the cost of this in the eye and tell it to go fuck itself.
Monica’s Random Points of Randomness:
  • Why is every pharmacy out of moisturizer? Is this a clue, like when that one guy said a tree came out of nowhere and we thought it was a throwaway line but it set up the big bad for the next season? Is there some sort of sea witch who’s trying to stay moisturized? Those reapers are trying to keep their hands soft and supple? Eve is trying to look younger? I NEED TO KNOW.
  • I wonder if Jeannie dresses like that because she wants to, or if it’s because that’s what Doug’s idea of an ideal woman looks like.
  • The shit-eater’s Blue Devils jersey has Cooper on the back; is he Shannon Cooper’s brother?
  • The pure joy on Nicole’s face after she is declared sheriff again will make me smile for days.

Another terrific episode, friends, and so many spinning plates are still in the air! Will someone be able to keep them spinning, or will they all crash to the ground? I can safely say that they’ll definitely all crash to the ground in a way that none of us will see coming, and I’ll be completely broken by the end, but begging for more. I can’t wait to talk about the next three episodes, and you don’t even need three wishes to see them, because…

Wynonna Earp airs Fridays at 10/9c on SYFY and CTV Sci-Fi.