Wynonna Earp Recap: Hold On for One More Day

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Hello, friends! It’s great to be back Earping again, isn’t it? It felt like for so long that this day would never come, and now that it’s here, I am just filled with such joy. Watching Wynonna Earp again is like meeting up with an old friend — a sex-positive, quick-witted, but also kinda dangerous friend with really great hair. Anyway, she sounds great, and I’m happy to have a standing date with her for the next six weeks.

I definitely broke down (in tears and in laughter) while I watched “On the Road Again” (which I assume is named after the Willie Nelson song and not the Canned Heat one).  So grab your knife from the pen drawer, secure your book of life in your trustiest knapsack, and make sure you have your sturdiest train-jumping shoes on, because here we go!

Previously on Wynonna Earp, so much shit happened that you would think it was all jammed in Nicole’s backpack. Charlie/Julian is Waverly’s father (yay!) but then sacrificed himself (no!); Waverly proposed to Nicole with Bulshar’s terrible ring (which is actually her dad’s, but still); Wynonna drugged everyone because she didn’t want them to see her fail; Bulshar broke the curse; Wynonna stabbed him with the sword of the Garden’s guardian, AKA her demon-fighting gun, Peacemaker; Waverly was taken into the Garden; human weapon Doc went with her, even though he’s still a vampire (but not one whose soul is completely compromised, says Charlie); “Valdez” was scratched into the Homestead wall; and supercouple Nedley and Wynonna are going to get their family back.

Damn, that was a long sentence.

We open on the chair of the guardian of the Garden, maybe? I mean, I’m just guessing. Empty since Charlie and Juan Carlo abandoned their posts. Could probably use a throw pillow. 

I know this pain
I know this pain

And then…a very long “weapons” montage. I use the quotes because, yeah, I guess technically they could be weapons, but I’m pretty sure Nedley pulled some of these out of the cab of his truck. But then again, this week when I thought someone had broken into our house, I went after them armed only with a can of compressed air, so to each their own.

Scissoring whomstever 380

Anyway, she grabs Doc’s guns and her trusty flask and she’s ready to fucking party, and it’s about time. Nedley feels like he’s been standing there for two years! (We see you, writers. We love you.) In some sort of vacation American Gothic, Nedley has a shotgun and a pitchfork, and they’re on their way.

BBQ time 277

There are some axes and knives and something wrapped in barbed wire, which is great, but also what looks like a barbecue fork. Maybe she’s anticipating some camping? And some scissors attached to an axe handle? Perfect for scissoring a rogue stripper. 

Nedley and his warrior princess trudge through the snow to the stairs, determined to bring Waverly, Doc, and everyone else home. The stairs to the Garden appear, and Wynonna cautiously goes up them…only to fall off. Nedley is disappointed but, it seems, not altogether surprised. Her only thoughts are, of course, of Waverly, who we cut to next. She’s chained to…something, looking terrified, and screaming for her sister in the most terrifying way possible. COOL COOL COOL.

Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?
Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?

I just want to take a moment to appreciate the theme song. Mmm.

The new opening has some snapshots of shadowy figures hanging out in some fog…

No one can change your life except for you
No one can change your life except for you

a demon-looking couple with glowy eyes and a lightning strike behind them…

Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you

an angel standing in a hallway…

Just open your heart and your mind
Just open your heart and your mind

and what looks like some blood splatter with maybe an angel shape on the side? Honestly, I have no idea what’s going on here. Maybe a heavenly doorway?

Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Oh, and a new graphic overlay for Dom, including what appears to be the Garden but still has some Purgatory…

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to Turn around and say goodbye Until then baby are you going to let them Hold you down and make you cry
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then, baby, are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry?

And Kat, whose leans in on the reason she has everything good in her life.

Don't you know? Don't you know things can change Things'll go your way If you hold on for one more day
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day

TERRIFIC.

Wynonna starts screaming at the vanished stairs, but then she and Nedley notice they’ve been joined by some visitors of the crustacean variety (“I got locked out of the Garden of Eden and all I got were these stupid crabs”), and I do not mean Sebastian from “The Little Mermaid.” No one is shouting “KISS KISS KISS” at each other; instead, they’re attacking, and Nedley gets bitten. Wynonna takes him back to the homestead and looks for a first-aid kit, which is honestly probably just four tubs of coconut oil and a bottle of whiskey. 

Can you hold on for one more day Things'll go your way Hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things’ll go your way
Hold on for one more day

They find someone has carved “VALDEZ” into the wall, and we learn in a flashback it was Jeremy, who probably could only find knives in the pen drawer and just made do. He finishes his “message” while he tries to wake up Robin and Nicole, all while some type of authorities are trying to evacuate everyone from Purgatory. Jeremy says, “Oh, no, the Garden,” as some guy dressed in black takes him down with a very futuristic-looking taser that is decidedly not set to “tickle.”

You could sustain Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?

Nedley has found a package of sanitary napkins to help his bleeding, and when Wynonna rags on his being “moody,” he tells her she’s being sexist. When you’re bleeding, there’s no sense in being too proud for pads.

Nedley asks why the rest of the Scoobies weren’t with her at the staircase, and he gets it — she was trying to protect them, but now she’s worried — what if trying to save them ended up putting them in whatever danger they’re in now? She finds Bulshar’s ring on the floor and realizes Waverly must have given it to Nicole, and Nedley gently suggests that maybe it wasn’t just a gift. Wynonna just wants Nicole to be okay.

But Nicole’s never really okay on this show, is she? Well, no one is, really.

Right now, Nicole’s on a train with the hangover of all hangovers, and she’s pretty mad at Wynonna for causing it. She goes to open the door, and an arm reaches out suddenly and snatches her back.

Wynonna grabs a bag of beaver blasters, which are not, as Nedley suggests, something you use in the bedroom but are legit weapons that will bust through any problems that may be solved by blasting. This dynamic duo decides they should set up a search grid when suddenly, there arose such a clatter, so they sprang out of the kitchen to see what was the matter. But it wasn’t a sleigh or even eight tiny reindeer — no, it was a beautiful, shiny, knife-throwing Mercedes. 

You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness You got yourself into your own mess
You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess

Back on the Haught train, we see that it was Perfect Nose Kate who grabbed Nicole — the doors are wired and if she’d touched it, she would have been a Haught mess. Kate’s best guess as to who’s behind all of this is? Government or private militia posing as government, and the thought of this might honestly be the most terrifying thing in this episode because of its real world-implications.

Kate tells Nicole that Mercedes took off when these new boys in black showed up, but she doesn’t know where everyone else is. She asks Kate to read her girlfriend’s cards on the moving train (sure, Nicole, no problem), and when Kate asks for something of Waverly’s, Nicole offers up Waves’ most prized possession — herself.

Lettin' your worries pass you by Don't you think it's worth your time To change your mind?
Lettin’ your worries pass you by
Don’t you think it’s worth your time
To change your mind?

Mercedes offers up a different version of events in which Kate insisted that Mercedes was “too beautiful to die,” Wynonna surmises that the two of them slept together, and Mercedes tries to insist that Kate glamoured her and had her run away against her will. Sure, Mercedes. So Mercedes did what any smart citizen of Purgatory would do — run to the homestead and wait for Wynonna, who explains that the curse is broken, Bulshar’s dead, and the Garden swallowed up her sister.

After Nedley says that he’s got some of Black Badge’s old files in his office, our newest crime-fighting threesome-in-a-friend way heads to the station, where Nedley pulls Dolls’ files out of the couch in his office, which is fine since nobody uses that couch anyway. I think the new sheriff may disagree with you, Randy, but what you don’t know won’t hurt you. 

Paging through the files Dolls’ of fallen colleagues (and hitting a lot of familiar names, making me wonder who we might see this season), Wynonna finds what she’s looking for — Gloria Valdez, whose picture is mysteriously lacking in the face department. 

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to Turn around and say goodbye Until then baby are you going to let them Hold you down and make you cry
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then, baby, are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry

They realize GV was stationed in Monument, a town so messed up that Mercedes claims even she wouldn’t build there (reality check — she was just outbid). Nedley suggests Jeremy tagged Valdez’s name to give Wynonna a clue about where to go for help. At the end of GV’s file, Wynonna sees a word that piques her interest — “Garden?”

Kate’s reading Waverly’s cards and pulls the death card, which (understandably) freaks Nicole out. Kate explains the card represents “transition — a doorway,” which doesn’t do much to settle Nicole’s nerves. She suggests they jump out of the train so they can save their respective families, and Kate says that part of the reason she’s on the train is to stay away from Doc. She’s just had enough, and, treating the train like it’s a bus Emily Andras is driving, she’s not getting off of it…but she will help Nicole get off.

Of the train. OMG. Calm down. It’s a train, not a hot tub.

Kate obviously sees something in the cards that screams that Waverly needs her bonus blanket’s help, so she opens the door train herself, absorbing the shock that won’t kill a vampire. But apparently electroshock leaves her at least hungry (unsure about the horny), and when one of the militia dudes comes to find where “the other one” went, Kate pulls a reverse Buffy and treats him like a non-fat yogurt. Meanwhile, with a jump that would have made Idgie Threadgood proud, Nicole leaves the train behind and goes to find the Earps. TOWANDA!

Wynonna is packing to head to Monument, even though she doesn’t have Peacemaker, her team, or any idea what the heck is going on. I mean, she technically has a team, but Mercedes and Nedley have more questions than answers, no matter how much they’re trying to help. She’s seen enough people die because of her, so when Mercedly wants to stay behind (Nedley’s too injured and Mercedes was a slutty nurse once for Halloween, so she’s qualified to care for him), even though she’s scared of going it alone, she lets Nedley convince her that she’s gonna be okay.

And then we see exactly what kind of nurse Mercedes is going to be when her first priority is finding some oxy for herself…and maybe something for a bleeding Randy Nedley, too.

Don't you know? Don't you know things can change Things'll go your way If you hold on for one more day
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day

Back in (presumably) the Garden, triumphant music plays as human weapon Doc Holliday busts through a doorway and into the snow. I say “presumably” because it doesn’t look like anything that ancient book told us it would, and Doc is just as confused. The doors close behind him, and he walks out into a landscape of snowy nothingness dotted with a handful of stone doorways. Like Nicole, his first two concerns are finding Waverly and figuring out where the heck he is, too.

Waverly sees him, manages to work the chain out of her mouth, and screams for help. He takes off running across the snow.

The chains around Waverly are getting tighter, so Doc must pull them out of — of course — a well. I would like to take a minute to say that this really doesn’t seem much like paradise, does it? Maybe the bible is just one long con. Don’t tell my mom.

Anyway, Doc manages to pull up the chains from the well, which are weighted down by what looks like a giant hissing teratoma, and Waverly’s fall to the ground. She and Doc have the most epic reunion and subsequent hug, similar to when I see my friends for the first time after the pandemic, I’m sure. Waverly thanks him for rescuing her and Wynonna both, and they make their way through the snowy “Garden.” Doc thinks he remembers which door will lead them back, and Waverly obviously expected more from someone who could find a bag of AB negative in Purgatory General. Doc explains that things “aren’t the same” as they were when he first entered the Garden, and no matter how many doors he pounds on, none of them will open. 

Wynonna gets a flat tire 169 miles (niiiiiiice) outside of Monument and is having no luck fixing it. Without her team to give her a pep talk, she pep talks herself, imitating sexy peach cobbler Doc telling her she’s enough and half-angel Waverly telling Wynonna she could have it worse (never thought Waverly would remind me of my mother, but here we are). She of course has to apologize to figment-of-her-own-imagination Waverly and realizes that Nicole probably hates her most of all.

Then, like some sort of swaggery butch ginger mirage, a wild Haught appears. Ecstatic, Wynonna asks Nicole for a hug, and Nicole lays one on her. And by “one,” I mean a punch that knocks her flat. Damn, girl. Was that a training train? 

Can you hold on for one more day Things'll go your way Hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things’ll go your way
Hold on for one more day

Wynonna dabs her bloody nose with one of Nedley’s “bandages” while Nicole fixes the tire. Wynonna apologizes for knocking Nicole out to keep her out of the Garden, but since it’s only been a day since that happened (definitely not two years), Nicole’s not ready to forgive and forget. The Sheriff could have been the difference between Waverly being safe and being slowly choked by a sentient ball of wax, but Wynonna says Doc and Waverly only got in the Garden because they’re special. Nicole’s just regular. 

None of you are “just” anything, Wynonna.

Echoing me shouting at pretty much everyone these days, Nicole tells Wynonna she doesn’t get to be the judge of who is worthy. Wynonna apologizes again because, well, she needs backup, and who better to back her up than her sister’s ladyfriend? Nicole wants to run TOWARDS the danger, “danger” being what’s threatening her maybe-fiancee, not whatever mysteries surround Valdez in the opposite direction.

When Wynonna explains that she’s looking to sneak through an emergency exit into the Garden, Nicole pulls out the cards Kate gave her — “two powerful women at death’s door.” Nicole agrees to be backup if Wynonna promises to be straight with her — so to speak — and is completely honest. Oh, also, Nicole’s driving. Wynonna snarkily calls her Daddy, and an annoyed Nicole says at least she has Peacemaker. Wynonna…shiftily-eyed agrees, and, yeah, it took approximately 10 seconds for that honest pact to break down.

Doc and Waverly find Julian’s empty throne, and Doc stops Waverly from sitting in it. Waverly, who has struggled through so many seasons not knowing where she belongs, insists that that throne is her “birthright and legacy,” said almost out of duty as if she doesn’t know where that came from. She comes to her senses, and they take off towards a pentagon-shaped hole in the ground.

They descend the stairs and find a wild-haired and bloody Black Badge (?) scientist who seems confused as to why they’re there. They’re healthy and that’s good for everyone, he says, suggesting that for orientation they just dive right in. I half expected them to start entering the Valenzetti Equation into a TRS-80, but, no, it’s way bloodier. They notice scars all over his arms, and when he starts talking about keeping “her” fed who seems to be in a blood-stained pit, well, they start to put two and self-sacrifice together.

Waverly just wants to know how to get out of there, but our bloody scientist says there’s only one way out of this place…and proceeds to snip off his head with a giant pair of scissors, even though he’s probably not a stripper. 

Doc tries to talk Waverly into reviving Entirely Headless Nick, but that’s a much taller order than saving Julian or regrowing a hand. It’s not like she can just pop his head back on like he’s some sort of life-size LEGO figure and be done with it. Waverly tries her best, though, employing the less-famous cousin of the “smile and wave,” the “head squeeze and grunt,” but to no avail. And from the sound of it, something is getting hangry. Before his self-decapitation, EHN said that “he” needs blood, but Waverly points out that neither she nor Doc have regular blood flowing through their veins.

I know that there is pain But you hold on for one more day and Break free the chains
I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains

Nicole and Wynonna enter Monument, a town whose population seems to keep dwindling, according to the hastily modified sign. They arrive at their location, a seemingly deserted BBD facility, and as Wynonna B’s into the E with her trusty bolt cutters, she decides that’s the best time to tell Nicole that the Valdez they’re searching for is dead. Nicole is…not pleased, and speeds off into the entrance, leaving Wynonna to run after her. 

Waverly and Doc are holding EHN over the bloodstained opening, shaking his blood out like they’re trying to squeeze out the last bit of mustard for a hot dog. Doc looks especially cozy with their new acquaintance and gives us Earpers one of the best jokes of the episode.

Yeah I know that there is pain But you hold on for one more day and you Break free, break from the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Alas, being around all of that blood has given Doc…a powerful hunger. 

Inside the BBD facility, Nicole and Wynonna creep the empty halls while Wynonna slakes a hunger of her own — or, more accurately, a thirst.

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to Turn around and say goodbye Until then baby are you going to let them Hold you down and make you cry
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then, baby, are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry

Nicole sees a fancy bit of bling on the flask and tells Wynonna that Waverly proposed to her with Julian’s ring, but the moment was spoiled by “Wynonna Interruptus.” Wynonna wants to know if Nicole said yes, but she would prefer to tell Waverly first. She grabs the flask for some liquid courage, and it’s shot right out of her mouth. The girls take cover, and now is when Nicole realizes that Wynonna also lied about having Peacemaker. Nicole tells Wynonna to put away Doc’s gun, because Wynonna’s gonna help Daddy find their shooter, and…this line gave me some feelings, my friends.

Doc has somehow managed to build a fire in a treeless landscape, and that’s where Waverly finds him, having calmed down a bit from getting all fangy, but the bad news is that he is all turned around and has no idea which direction is which. He does still have that fire, but despite being the only person around, he isn’t even sure if he built it. This…is probably not a good sign.

Don't you know? Don't you know things can change Things'll go your way If you hold on for one more day yeah If you hold on
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Waverly wonders how long they’ve been there, and Doc knows just one thing — they need to find a way out, after a little snooze, of course. Before he sleeps like the undead, though, Doc needs to atone for his sins, something Waverly says isn’t necessary, because they’ve all been dicks to each other, really, and what’s important is that he went after her when she was taken by the Garden. Doc knows that neither Wynonna nor Nicole will give up on finding them…and then seems confused about who exactly they might be. We do get one last “Wynonna Earp” from Doc before he forgets her, though — a different one than we’ve heard before. This one is full of curiosity and questioning, as if he’s trying to scrape together the fragments of a memory, not full of hate or love or leather that’s bursting out of his heart like usual.

Waverly also sounds confused, detailing facts about Nicole like she’s some sort of angelic Arya Stark. She remembers the Stetson (that she hasn’t worn in so manys seasons, Waverly!) and the color of her eyes, but not that she proposed or that her sister shot her. I’m sure this is fine. No need to worry about this! 

Moving right along to the Nicole of the Stetson and the brown eyes, she’s telling Wynonna to “just zig-zag” in order to draw out the sniper. She does…but not before picking up her whiskey, of course. Luckily, someone’s about to have a Pinterest party, and there are an Earp-ton of pallets for her to hide behind. 

Don't you know things can change Things'll go your way If you hold on for one more day
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day

Don’t shoot those! Waverly’s going to make a vertical garden for her…garden!

Nicole sneaks up behind the shooter and knocks them out, either with the butt of her gun or with pure swagger. It’s really difficult to tell which.

Wynonna says that next time, Nicole’s going to be the bait, and Nicole says that’s fine, as long as her best friend hasn’t betrayed her. They both get that “I’m hard but I’m friendly, baby” look on their faces at Nicole’s admission, and then at Wynonna’s that she’s never had a best friend before. Then Nicole calls her “such an…Earp,” and she gets that “I’m lost but I’m hopeful” look that usually only appears when she’s thinking about Waverly. 

They take the hood off of their assailant and realize she seems to be just a kid. She’s carrying an ID badge for a Dr. Gloria Valdez (jackpot!) but the picture on the badge is obviously someone older. Turns out Gloria is the kid’s mother, allegedly, and is pretty sassy. She’s gonna fit in nicely.

If you hold on Can you hold on
If you hold on
Can you hold on

She says her name is Rachel, and she tries to justify the gunfire because the girls were trespassing, and Nicole insists she didn’t know anyone lived there. Wynonna asks for help getting into the secret government lab, and Rachel says she will help =, but it will cost them — she’s hungry, so Nicole offers her a pocket snack. Wynonna explains they are looking for Gloria so she can help her family — her sister, specifically, but Rachel says that old Glo, her mother, took off a while ago, something Wynonna can relate to more than she’d like.

Rachel finally agrees to help them, but they have to follow her closely and keep quiet. Wynonna says she wishes Dolls’ files had a map of the building, and that catches Rachel’s attention — apparently she’s family with Deputy Marshal Xavier Pamela Dolls.

Back in the Garden, Waverly shakes herself out of a daze and takes a stroll, leaving Doc dozing by the fire. She heads back down into the pentagonal chamber, where the lights and dials are going all kinds of wonky. She offers some of her half-angel blood as a sacrifice to the pit, which seems to calm things down BUT ALSO cause some floating flowers to appear on the water. Also, she hears a female voice whispering her name and a hidden door is revealed. I guess she was right — her blood really is the good stuff.

Hold on baby Won't you tell me now Hold on for one more day 'cause It's gonna go your way
Hold on, baby
Won’t you tell me now
Hold on for one more day ’cause
It’s gonna go your way

As they make their way through the facility, Rachel explains that BBD gassed the building after a lab accident, and Dolls is the one who made her leave. These three badass ladies bond over how Dolls saved every single one of them. Ever the cop, Nicole presses for more info, but Rachel doesn’t know what kind of gas it was — only that Dolls told her it didn’t do what was expected. That probably doesn’t mean it turned everyone into unicorns, but I guess we’ll never know.

Rachel tells them to shut it and not to step on the grates. Wynonna hates being quiet, especially if everyone’s dead. It just seems unnecessary.

Waverly finds her way into a room that has a shoulder bag (that honestly seems like it was handpicked for her) and a stone tablet with four books and the words “choose one; choose wisely” on it — Wynonna Earp, Doc Holliday, Waverly Gibson (?!), and Nicole Haught. 

She chooses a book — the exact one unknown to us, gentle (perv) viewers — and heads…I’m not sure where. Somewhere epic, I bet. Hopefully where her sister can find her. You know, one of them.

Rachel takes Wynaught to the lab and explains she’s never been inside her mother’s lab because “the big glass door is locked.” Something tells me that if she wanted to go somewhere, a door wouldn’t stop her, but okay, Rach. But then we see some bodies inside, and, you know, I get why maybe she wouldn’t want to go in. As far as Rachel can tell, her mom isn’t one of the bodies, so at least that means that BBD didn’t kill all of their employees at this particular site. Nicole is impressed that she came back for her mother, but Rachel brushes her off and asks how they’ll get into the lab in the basement. Meanwhile, Wynonna, who is apparently missing her baby daddy, channels her inner Doc Holiday and lights the place up with a beaver blaster, but now Rachel is worried because they’re gonna wake up.

Wait. What?

That’s right, all those “bodies” we saw slumped over their workstations are now zombies with a taste for NicEarpDez. I mean, I understand bringing the fight to you, but there’s really no need to wake up the undead to do it. The unholy trio see the zombies, and, most disappointingly, it interrupts a Buffy reference from Wynonna. Daddy steps in and takes a few shots before all three decide that this is one fight it’s best to run away from.

Taking a page out of Wynonna’s handbook, Rachel admits she kept the zombies’ existence from them because she thought the two of them would leave. Obviously, she had no idea she’s now teamed up with “shoot first, ask questions later” and “I run towards the danger”, respectively, and they’re not going anywhere. All Rachel wants is to find her mom, and Wynonna and Nicole are the dipshits to help her do it.

And now we pause for a softball-bat-swinging, gun-shooting, beaver-blasting montage. I’ve missed you, Earp montages. And it really looks like these aren’t the first beavers Wynonna has blasted, because damn, girl.

Don't you know things can change Things'll go your way If you hold on for one more day
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day

But of course the beavers gain the upper hand, and Wynonna shouts to her bestie for help. They get separated in the zombie confusion, but it does give Wynonna the chance to scream WYNONNA SCISSORHANDS as she stabs one of the mutants (a former stripper, I assume) with her axe-handle scissors.

Can't you change it this time
Can’t you change it this time

Wynonna creeps along the dodgiest hallway in existence, with a ton of grates on the ground and hands poking through them, giving me another reason not to step on those when I walk downtown. But Wynonna isn’t super careful, as you may know, and steps on one of them, forgetting Rachel’s warning. Nicole catches up to her, and they both freeze, terrified to move. Nicole slowly creeps towards her as Wynonna insists Nicole needs to find the portal and save Waverly. “Fuck that,” Nicole says as she pushes Wynonna out of the way, sacrificing herself to some unknown fate,  and falls down a hole as the grate breaks…which one could say looks like she fell down a digital well. People definitely say that. It’s a thing.

Wynonna’s shouts of “NICOLE” are almost as terrifying as when Waverly yells “WYNONNA!”

Make up your mind
Make up your mind

Doc wakes up in the Garden, alone, fire still burning, but suddenly a tree dots the landscape. Doc does some Earp math and comes to the conclusion that snowy landscape plus random tree minus half-angel divided by the Garden equals trouble for said angel. But Doc’s not as alone as he thought, and he hears someone calling out “hello.” In the room that also housed the bloody pit and the self-scissoring headless man now stands one french-braided Sheriff Nicole Haught, as naked as Dolls once found her after waking up from a demon-influenced sleep. And like Adam and Eve before her before they partook in the fruit of knowledge, she doesn’t seem to realize she’s in the buff.

Hold on Hold on Baby, hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Baby, hold on

I always forget how fast-paced an episode of Wynonna Earp can be. We started out with certain pairings at the beginning of the episode, and 44 minutes later, everything is scrambled. And, as per usual, I don’t know what to think. Are they in the Garden? Is it more of a holding area, a kind of…Purgatory? What is this creature? Is there a polar bear? Who else is there? Where are the Revenants? What’s Rachel’s deal? Is Jeremy okay, and is he with Robin? How is Doc still a vampire but was still able to pass through? Why is Nicole naked? Where did Waverly go? How do you make a scissor/axe handle weapon? Would the truck pass an emissions test?

 

I may be filled with questions, but I’m still filled with amazement. This episode was chock-full of one-liners and hidden moments that I’m sure I still haven’t caught all of. Every single thank-you and congratulations to Brendon Yorke for writing such a fast-paced, jam-packed script that kept our heroes moving at such a rapid pace, ending up with completely different people, and keeping us laughing the whole time. This is truly a magical episode.

My favorite lines:

  • One small step for MILF; one giant leap for MILFkind.
  • Pen drawer’s full of knives. I’m a demon hunter, not a Shakespeare.
  • Nobody fucks with our family.
  • You ain’t much…but you ain’t nothing.
  • No, weird guy, no!
  • When life gives you lemons, you get a-squeezin’.
  • Well, without a head, technically it’s a 61.
  • That’s not how lesbianing works, Wynonna.
  • You’re gonna help Daddy find him. Oh, that actually felt really good.

Random thoughts of randomness:

  • Where, exactly, was Nedley bitten by a rabid mongoose? Like, where on his body and where geographically? Did he make it into chili?
  • We know that the town was casually evacuated at the end of Season 3 to save everyone from Bulshar’s shenanigans, but this seems way more intense.
  • In an appearance that makes Season 4 seem even more familiar, the Cowgirl key hook is still there.
  • Do we know what ever happened to Mrs. Nedley?
  • I like how Wynonna tried to juggle the beaver blaster and almost dropped it, like with Peacemaker in the early episodes.
  • I would love a spin-off episode with Mercedes’ erotic book club. I’m trying to decide who the members are.
  • If Nicole names her firstborn “Katie,” I’m going to shriek.
  • Did Nedley see that production of The Full Monty, or…was he in it?
  • What if the teratoma-looking thing is a physical manifestation of Jolene? We obviously don’t know how the Garden works, but Jolene had been weighing down Waverly every day of her life, and the last time we saw Jo, she was consumed by a tree after insisting she was trying to pay fealty to Bulshar. Makes sense that she would follow Waverly here.
  • Are all those footprints in the snow just Doc and Waverly’s?
  • I really liked the Daddy snark with Nicole. It started out as Wynonna teasing her about it but ended with Nicole finding herself she liked it. Words like that in the queer community can be used as weapons and to demonize each other, but the fact that Nicole took pride in it makes it feel like this wasn’t a joke at her expense. Even if it started as a slight, it ended with Nicole taking ownership of it, and as a queer woman, I really liked how this played out.
  • So if that’s Julian’s chair and Julian never saw the Garden, maybe this is a…holding area? A literal Purgatory?
  • I do not believe Nicole Haught carries her money in any manner other than crisply folding the bills in a men’s/unisex wallet that fits in one of her many pockets. Or her backpack.
  • Listen, I know I have coconut oil on the brain, but that whisper definitely maybe could have been Willa. Which…kind of makes me nervous for her.
  • I like Rachel. She’s a hell of a shot, she has fun phrases like “backpack of balls,” and she causes Wynonna to ask Nicole if they can “keep her, Daddy.” I can’t wait to find out more about her.
  • I know Waverly isn’t biologically an Earp, but she still is one legally, as far as I know. Interesting that her mother’s maiden name was listed on the book and not father-of-the-year Ward’s.
  • I’m no tree person, but Waverly’s tree sure looks like it could be a dogwood — the tree that legend says was used in the crucifixion of Jesus, if you believe in that sort of thing, and a tree that God allegedly both blessed and cursed.
  • I’m really impressed that the truck is still kicking.

Bottom line — it’s great to have Earp back on my screen, and this episode was worth the wait. I can’t wait to see what Emily and company have planned next. As for our band of merry misfits? Well, they just need to hold on. Things are bound to change.

Right?

 

Wynonna Earp airs Sundays at 10/9c on SYFY and CTV Sci-Fi.