Wynonna Earp Recap: Almost Paradise

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I graduated from university in 1999, and one of my degrees was in theology. I don’t get to put it to use much anymore these days, but all of the kudos to Wynonna Earp for getting me to dust it off for this week’s episode (and probably the rest of the season!). Speaking of that, this week’s episode featured a literal jaw drop from me and an almost-immediate rewatch, and still at the end of it, all I have are more questions and the thought that the “answers” we have probably aren’t real. So grab your potatoes, check your blood supply, and make sure you have your fig leaves for modesty. Let’s go!

Previously on Wynonna Earp, everyone tries to get rid of Bulshar’s ring, Robin kissed Jeremy but not before he coughed up some dirt, Doc and Wynonna sought out other suitors, Mama left, and Wynonna uninvited Doc from the Homestead. Yikes. That’s awkward.

At Shorty’s, Jeremy and Wynonna are doing that cute trope where one of them teaches the other how to play pool, but of course it’s Wynonna schooling Jeremy, and she’s using birthing landmarks to tell him how to line up his shot. He suggests she smooth-talk Doc into getting a new table, but she says Kate’s the only one who gets to be smooth with Doc.

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I thought that dreams belonged to other men

‘Cause each time I got close they’d fall apart again

Wynonna asks him how things are going with Robin, and to keep him safe, Jeremy has moved things to a text-only relationship. So like me with most of my friends. Cool.

But Wynonna says to strike while the lemon is hot and make the most of their time together. But then Wynonna’s lemon walks in, and she hides from Charlie since she ghosted him. Jeremy ducks down behind the pool table and tries to play wingman so Wynonna can squeeze her fire lemons and calls Charlie over. Jeremy leaves, but not before Wynonna tells him to lock up Bulshar’s ring.

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I feared my heart would be in secrecy

Charlie comes over and is surprisingly no pressure with a girl he texted no less than three times without response, but Wynonna, surprising all of us really, asks him to dinner.

At the salt flats, Bulshar raises a headless, dehydrated Constance, but very kindly has brought her charred head to put back on her, like she’s a LEGO whose noggin popped off. Bulshar. Till death do us part. Why can’t you quit her? Don’t you have any other friends? Or like wives?

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I faced the nights alone

Kate has procured a snack for her favorite dentist, but Doc doesn’t want her gift. He can take care of himself, thank you very much. He doesn’t want to be beholden to her, but all she wants is for him to need her. He leaves, so after her snack mouths off, she decides to have a bit of a nibble herself.

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Oh, how could I have known

Robin is doing some snowy trash pickup in the woods while Jeremy invites him to the Homestead for Big Gay Dinner. Jeremy locks up Bulshar’s ring in the BBD safe while Robin is stalked (and chomped) by Vampire!Doc, which isn’t super great. Doc immediately takes him back to BBD for Jeremy to check on his guy pal, and Doc says Robin must be “sick,” because his blood tasted off. Doc, you’ve been a vampire for like four seconds, and all of a sudden you’re a blood connoisseur? Okay, sure. Jeremy’s gonna have a hard time letting this one go. I think if he hadn’t lost the stache already, he would have had a sudden attack of grooming before the BGD.

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That all my life I only needed you?

At maybe-formerly-Mama Olive’s diner, which is now a breakfast-Italian-Chinese-fusion restaurant, Charlie and Wynonna are having a date of their own. You can tell it’s fancy, because breadsticks, and when you’re here, you’re family! Wynonna turns the “I’ll order for the table” trope on its vagina and orders for Charlie and herself. He tries to make awkward small talk, and it doesn’t end well. Honestly, I think Jeremy showing up at the beginning of the date is probably the best thing that could have happened. At least then it got interesting. When Jeremy tells Wynonna that Vampire!Doc bit his tree-hugger boyfriend, Wynonna and Charlie leave to take care of business.

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Oh, almost paradise

Charlie traps Doc in a Holy Water-soaked rope, and Wynonna storms the Gardner mansion to have a little “discussion” with Kate. Luckily, Kate is READY.

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We’re knocking on heaven’s door

Jeremy and Robin are greeted by Nicole and Waverly at the Homestead and everyone is stoked for Big Gay Dinner! Except Jeremy is also anxious, and Robin’s still a little glamoured.

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Almost paradise

How could we ask for more?

Wynonna and Kate have a long-overdue conversation about Doc and vampires and all sorts of things. Kate (correctly) calls out Wynonna for blaming her for Doc choosing to become a vampire, because Wynonna just so easily wants to give Doc a pass for everything. It’s not sexy vampire pheromones or trickery, either. Doc made his choice, and Kate says he’s the reason she became a vampire in the first place. Pull up a chair, because it’s a bit of a story.

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I swear that I can see forever in your eyes

Kate was European nobility, explaining that just normal whitewashing wrote her family out of history. They wanted a better life, but her parents died and so she struggled to just survive. She read fortunes, including the fortune of a young woman and tells her she will be married within the year.

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Paradise, yeah, it’s paradise

But one day, Bulshar walked up to her fortune-telling table, and she refused to give him a reading. At his protest, a handsome man we all know as Doc Holliday came to her rescue. She offers to buy him a drink, and to repay her kindness, he palms the sheriff’s cards. Scoundrel.

Doc and Charlie exchange some barbs and also some insults about stamina and maybe hose size, but then they’re interrupted by Charred!Constance and her Saw Blade of Finding Lost Stuff. Just another woman getting shit done while the guy sits at home, waiting for her to fetch him what he wants. Charlie tries to attack her but ends up pulling off her arm, then slaps her with it and uses it to crack Doc’s Holy Water circle so he can help. They knock her out, I guess (is that what you do with a zombified, partially charcoaled corpse), and try to get hold of Wynonna.

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It seems like perfect love’s so hard to find

But Wynonna is still having her courageous conversation with Kate and is trying to convince yet another person that she and Doc aren’t a thing. She wants to turn Doc back into regular Doc, but Kate smartly points out that you don’t make Doc Holliday do anything. In the olden days, Kate tells Doc she’s leaving to try and get Doc to ask her to stay, but that isn’t how Doc Holliday operates. He chases no one. She wants more than drunken days in one city after another, but his consumption would have something else to say about that, anyway. “He had Wyatt,” Kate says when Wynonna accuses her of abandoning him to his disease, and then stands up, both Peacemaker and her own gun (Katemaker? Deathmaker? Mr. Pointy?) in hand? Doc taught her how to swipe things, too.

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I’d almost given up, you must’ve read my mind

At Big Gay Dinner, Waverly is good-naturedly teasing Robin about Jeremy and reminds him he used to date Chrissy Nedley. Honestly, this isn’t plot-pertinent, but I was just happy for the shout-out to my girl Chrissy. Robin, just be happy she didn’t chloroform you! Robin stares off into space, then, and almost seems…hypnotized, talking about trees and potatoes and Bulshar. Waverly asks if he can hear Bulshar when he talks to the trees, and Robin says sometimes he wants to “lay down and let the forest have me.” So I’m not a botanist, but that’s probably not great.

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And all these dreams I saved for a rainy day

Jeremy’s filling Nicole in on the goings-on with Robin when he notices Bulshar’s ring sticking out of a perfectly baked biscuit (which may be Jolene’s way to glamour me, if we are being honest). Nicole’s puzzling about how it ended up in her biscuit, after she threw it away and then Jeremy locked it up, and Waverly walks in on a bended-knee Nicole and assumes something different is happening. It’s a cute “wacky situation” part of the scene, though I did feel kind of bad for Waverly. Like, she really thought Nicole was proposing. I’m guessing she didn’t look too closely at the ring, though.

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They’re finally coming true

Then it’s secret time for the unkillable gays — Bulshar’s ring is following Nicole, Doc is a vampire who bit Robin, and Robin just licked a potato…then left the house.

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You know, I’ll share them all with you

Charlie and Doc have driven Charlene out to the well, and the junk in her truck is Dehydrated!Constance. They have a bro moment where they talk about the car, and really, maybe Charlene is the only woman Doc has ever loved. They work together to take the top of the well but are interrupted by the sound of Charlene starting up, and Constance’s bones drive off, giving them the finger on the way. It was truly a beautiful moment.

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‘Cause now we hold the future in our hands

Kate and Wynonna circle each other, knives in hand, and Wynonna says it’ll last until “something more interesting happens,” and that’s the moment that Dehydrated!Constance decides to walk in and poke around. Kate allows Wynonna to have Peacemaker back, but all Constance does is look at the tarot cards, grunt, and then walk out. “What did he do to her?” Wynonna asks, disgusted that Bulshar would stoop this low. Kate knows who she is, too, because “power recognizes power.” I’d say.

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Oh, oh almost paradise

We’re knocking on heaven’s door

Doc and Charlie, suddenly without transportation and Purgatory’s Ober not functional yet, I guess, jog along the road, where they are trying to one-up each other in physical fitness. Doc, I love you, but you’re a vampire who used to have tuberculosis who hasn’t eaten in days, and Charlie is a firefighter whose hose has to pass a physical. This is one game you’re not gonna win, at least until you fortify yourself. And no, not with bread.

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Almost paradise

How could we ask for more?

The gays convene in the barn, where a shirtless Robin is in the corner, scratching his vamp bite and muttering to himself. Nicole wants to get him inside, but Waverly wants him to talk while he’s still in his hypnotic tree state so they can find out more about the former sheriff. Robin says that they “entombed him for decades, but he’s close now,” and Jeremy asks if he’s talking about Bulshar. That seems to snap Robin out of his hypnotic state, though, and he’s back to just regular shirtless Robin. He says the trees are doing Bulshar’s bidding even though they don’t want to be, which sounds crazy, but Nicole tells him that she has a stalker ring and survived a massacre, Waverly touched the goo and “made a lightning rod of spoons,” and Jeremy was trapped with his dead mother and now is an empath of some sort, which is new information. Oh, and then Dehydrated!Constance makes an appearance, causing Waverly to be really peeved that this woman is interrupting another of her parties! Come on, Interrupting!Constance. Get it together.

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I swear that I can see forever in your eyes

As Constance is rifling through Doc’s stuff and puts something in her jacket, Bulshar’s ring starts to burn in Nicole’s pocket. She throws it on the ground, and Waverly grabs it. Because Waverly apparently is incapable of NOT TOUCHING THINGS, she puts on it on her finger. There’s a cute “it fits!” moment, but then when Constance attacks her, she Force-pushes her against a wall. Stunned, Constance gets up and walks away, as the unkillable gays wonder what the spud just happened.

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Paradise, oh, paradise

Waverly says that Constance took three cards, and Wynonna tells her they’re the cards from when Kate read Bulshar’s fortune. He was looking for something and wanted Kate to use her Tarot to help him find it. She deals three cards — past, present, and future — but refuses to turn over the future card, and that’s when Doc chimed in to help save her. They both point guns at Bulshar as Young Constance looks on. Kate explains he’s probably looking for what his future card was, so they take off to try to intercept Constance, but not before she notices Waverly wearing Bulshar’s ring. Kate tells her not to underestimate it because it’s older than most things on earth. Waverly, panicked, tries to take it off…and can’t.

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And in your arms salvation’s not so far away

Constance zombie-walks through the snowy forest and hands Bulshar the cards, so now he has found what he’s looking for, which is probably gonna be an issue.

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It’s getting closer, closer every day

Kate and Wynonna track Constance to a snowy field and feel nothing but pity and sadness for the thing Bulshar has turned her into. He’s used her for what he needed, then abandoned the husk of the person she used to be. Power recognizes power, sure, but cursed recognizes cursed, too. Constance falls to her knees, and when Wynonna draws Peacemaker on her, she grabs it and places it against her head. She’s ready. And then Peacemaker decides to throw us all a loop and glows orange, and then…blue. What does it all mean?!

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Almost paradise

We’re knocking on heaven’s door

Doc comes to in Shorty’s, and Charlie slides him a glass of blood. Charlie tells Doc he cares for Wynonna, and Doc says Charlie can never hope to have the same kind of relationship they do. Charlie points out Wynonna hunts demons, the very thing Doc has become, but Doc thinks she’ll forgive him. She always has.

Wynonna is frustrated that they don’t know what his cards say, but Kate points out that Bulshar is just a demon and Wynonna is Wynonna, an amazing and also extremely attractive demon hunter. She tells Wynonna killing her won’t return Doc to mortality, then reads Wynonna’s Tarot, thinking that because her and Bulshar’s destinies are linked, so might their fortunes be. Good thing Kate travels with her cards at all times!

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Almost paradise

How could we ask for more?

The UGS is trying to get the ring off of Waverly’s finger, but the butter isn’t doing it. (Pro tip — use Windex next time.) Nicole wonders why Waverly put the ring on, and Waverly says she was meant to…even though she doesn’t know what that means. Jeremy notices that a word has appeared on the ring since Waverly put it on, which is not normal ring behavior. Wynonna charges in, saying Perfect Nose Kate read her cards and she knows why Bulshar is in the Ghost River Triangle. She shows them Bulshar’s cards — the devil, the tower, and the lovers. If he gets the tower, his future is the lovers — Adam and Eve. So the cards plus the hidden message on Waverly’s secret decoder ring — paradise. Bulshar is looking for what the Ghost River Triangle has kept hidden for all these years. Except Robin says they’re wrong — he’s not looking for the Garden of Eden. He’s found it.

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Paradise, oh, it’s paradise

Kate is at the Homestead, but Wynonna refuses to invite her in, because vampire. She hands Wynonna a breadstick bouquet from her buttercup, and it’s cheesy and garlicky and very sweet. Kate tells Wynonna how she came back and discovered Doc’s curse, and that’s when she decided to become a vampire — so she could find him and help without the worry of death. Kate and Wynonna’s conversation doesn’t pass the Bechdel test, but it’s a start. I think it’s the start of something great. What we have here are two complicated women who are tied together (for now) by an equally complicated man.

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Paradise, yes, it’s paradise

And that complicated man is rustling around in Wynonna’s barn. He says he’s done hiding from Wynonna and that he became immortal to help her. She says the curse ends now, with both of them working together, but that’s the moment Bulshar chooses to show up and blow some sort of angel-feather-wing-dust on them, which will probably not have a great outcome, maybe.

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Paradise

Monica’s Random Thoughts of Randomness:
  • I appreciate the fact that when there’s a shot of people in a traditionally male-dominated job on this show, like being in fire services, there’s usually at least one female.
  • Really great series of hose jokes in that Jeremy/Wynonna pool scene.
  • I loved how Wynonna got stuck under the pool table by Peacemaker.
  • Bulshar has a lot of hats.
  • What was that weapon Bulshar gave Dehydrated!Constance? Was it the blade Tucker used to cut off her head?
  • I have no problem believing Doc smells like sex tobacco.
  • I would like a spin-off where the albino squirrel takes on Bulshar’s trees.
  • Good LEGO Batman joke, Charlie.
  • I have a hard time believing that Nicole told Charlie Wynonna is a hot mess. Charlie is not all that he seems. He’s not Shay from Orphan Black. There’s something up with this bro.
  • I kind of love that Wynonna’s reaction to Jeremy telling her Doc bit Robin is wondering if Robin is okay. She loves that jagged little nerd.
  • Charlie, I wouldn’t be so quick to associate yourself with bread. A lot of the people in his fandom have an inherent distaste for it.
  • My biggest issue with Kate’s flashback? There’s no way Johnny Hank has a clean, spotless, pressed handkerchief like that.
  • I thought the knife bit during Kate and Wynonna’s standoff was cute. The way Kate rolles her eyes, like, “Ugh. This one.”
  • Okay, it’s pretty cold out, and Charlie’s just wearing a light jacket. Demon.
  • Finally we know what Jeremy’s special power is! Or at least part of it.
  • Was the ring always meant for Waverly to wear? What if Nicole was just its guardian? What if Nicole was meant to give it to Waverly? Is it tied to Waverly being the Keeper of the Bones?
  • Oh, Bulshar’s “God has nothing to do with it”? Well, that’s intriguing.
Bonus: Monica’s Ridiculous Theories While Watching:
  • Bulshar is the snake
  • Charlie is the snake
  • The Gibson greenhouse is the Garden of Eden
  • Maybe Jeremy and Robin are Adam and Steve and the gays were right all along
  • Nicole is the snake
  • NICOLE IS NOT THE SNAKE, MONICA
  • Mama Earp is Lilith, Adam’s first wife
  • No, seriously, what if Michelle Earp is Lilith and she took Waverly from her real parents (and when I posited this theory to my friends Michelle and Heidi, I got this picture. Well, almost. I made some modesty edits because this is a family site, guys.TacoLilith

It’s interesting (and uplifting) to me that Wynonna compares herself to a superhero. I think for someone with as skewed of a self-view as she has, this is a big deal. Granted, Batman is a problematic superhero, but still. Also, LEGO Batman is kind of a dickhead.

Charlie seems like a perfectly decent guy for Wynonna, which makes me think he’s the big bad of some sort — Cain, Bulshar’s reconstructed demon son, a MAGA believer. Like, he’s taking all of this supernatural stuff in stride too easily. He has a secret — or maybe many — but I’m excited to find out what they are. I hope he doesn’t break Wynonna apart again, but it’s certainly possible. I’ve never seen a character as good at sort of picking up her pieces and moving on, you know? Granted, there’s often a lot of whiskey and not-great behavior involved, but she gets the job done.

One of my favorite parts about this season is the focus on Waverly and Nicole as separate entities and not as part of a couple. We see both of them in so many scenes with other people, and it paints such a richer portrait of them as characters, as opposed to if they were just each other’s girlfriend. Nicole and Wynonna last week was just perfect, and I love Waverly’s growing relationship with Jeremy and reintroduction to Robin — both feel very real and believable, and it makes such sense to me that they’d hang out together as couples. First of all, Waverly’s trying to wingman her little nerd. She thinks maybe if she and HaughtSauce are around, it will be a little less nerve-racking for her tiny Gandalf. And I can also say from experience that there’s a lot of comfort in being with other queer couples, especially in a small town. We do seem to gravitate towards each other.

And speaking of JereTree — They’re a couple, they’re amazing, and I LOVE THEM. Just on the surface, I do think Jeremy and Robin are pretty cute and sweet. I enjoy them as a couple, they have some good chemistry but it’s also tinged by a lot of anxiety — which seems pretty accurate for an early romance. It’s very cute and sweet and romantic and lovely, and that, my friends, is a big deal. Don’t get me wrong — I feel that WayHaught was important, and I do love them together. But Jeremy and Robin getting together — a gay male couple where one of them is a POC — slowly navigating the road of dating in a sweet, uplifting, positive way? It’s a big fucking deal. Now, I’m not as well-versed on m/m couples as I am on f/f couples, and I’m certainly no expert since I am a queer white woman, but I feel confident in saying that this isn’t very commonly done on television.

And to have a minimum of FOUR queer characters on the same show (where some say “oh, we have one gay main character, so we can’t have any more), and then to have them hanging out together? On a date night? And calling it a BIG GAY DATE? Guys. Emily was right. This is the gayest season ever.

I wanted to take a minute to talk about the crazy biblical reveal at the end. I will try to be brief, because my theology degree could drone on for a long time, but I don’t want to lose readers. I’ve long thought Wynonna Earp had a lot of biblical symbolism, especially in its numerology. The number of Revenants — 77 — and the original 7 always gave me an Old Testament feel. Seven is a number of spiritual perfection, and the fact that that’s how many demons have to go to hell to end the curse is significant. Oh, and the three Earp sisters — we’ve got the holy trinity and the number of people crucified the day that Jesus died, just to name a couple. Throwing out this Garden of Eden stuff just adds another layer to an already-layered story. The possible theories involving Adam, Eve, the serpent, their children, and even Lilith are equally plausible and ridiculous. I kind of love it and can’t wait to see where this goes.

I think that this is an episode that, upon a full-season rewatch, we’ll be pointing to for years to come at its importance in laying out a huge part of the mythology of our little shit show. All of the kudos to Caitlin D. Fryers for writing it. The elements of humor, mythology, character development, and story arc were all tied together masterfully in a bow that we’re going to spend years untying. Well done. And thank you.

 

What did you think of this week’s episode? Share you thoughts below!

Wynonna Earp airs Fridays at 9 p.m. ET on SYFY and Space Channel.

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