The Voice: And the Season 7 winner is…

The Voice season 7 winner Craig Wayne Boyd and coach Blake Shelton

CRAIG WAYNE BOYD!

Yes, it’s true: all my Christmas wishes–i.e. Monday night recap musings–were granted. And so were Blake Shelton’s and Craig’s based on this outcome. That’s Blake’s fourth win in seven seasons, which means he’s going to be incredibly and delightfully insufferable in his gloating come the Blind Auditions in the spring of 2015.

Before we dig into the highlights of the TWO HOUR show, let’s get to the five minutes of information you actually wanted from the finale.

The Final Standings

4th Place: Damien (Team Adam)
3rd Place: Chris Jamison (Team Adam)
2nd Place: Matt McAndrew (Team Adam)
WINNER: Craig Wayne Boyd (Team Blake)

And now we REWIND to the start of Tuesday’s finale.  The night began with the Top 20 from this season with the four male finalists starting Batille’s “Pompeii” and the rest of the contestants joining in as the song progressed. Throughout the evening, we cycled through various combinations and iterations of the cast-off 16 supporting the Top 4 finalists as they strutted their stuff and teared up the stage with final (bonus?) performances. The idea was the finalists picked the voted off contestants that “inspired” them most over the season. What?! Sure, they’re all right but they LOST already! Don’t emulate them! Okay, current top hottie Chris Jamison picking Ryan Sill and Ricky Manning (aka the mini Joaquin Phoenix lookalike) was entertaining, but whatever. Damien’s “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” with Anita, DaNica and Elyjuh was easily the most fun group number of the night.

Guest Artists Abound!

There was a parade of A-list artists who took to The Voice stage to perform.
Hozier – Not even him singing “Take Me To Church” sold me on that song.
Fall Out Boy – They paired up with Voice finalist Matt McAndrew for their performance. I spent the first 30 seconds wondering if Pete Wentz was still in this band or if I was confused. Once the Internet confirmed, the next 45 seconds were spent trying to spot Pete Wentz. Of note(ish): he’s blonde now (and it’s a bad brassy blonde at that). Also, is Fall Out Boy still even a thing???
Bruno Mars & Mark Ronson – How much do I love Bruno and his “Uptown Funk”? Enough to overlook the fact that his hair was in tight curlers for the performance. (I get that it goes with the song’s vibe. Chill out.) The dude is that damn cool. Consider me funked up.
Lynyrd Skynrd – “Sweet Home Alabama” is, was, and always will be, everything. Craig rocking out with these guys was clearly a highlight in his life to date (as it would be for all of us). We should have just called it a night after this performance.
Meghan Trainor – Working hard to prove she’s more than just “All About That Bass,” Trainor bopped around a mod-themed stage singing “Lips Are Moving,” which I like just fine even though it sounds remarkably similar to her first hit (though maybe a little more upbeat …barely).
Jennifer Hudson – I can only imagine the backstage weeping Damien did when learning he’d join J-Hud on stage during the finale. He held his own when the time came to sing (though Hudson TOWERED over him while werking the miniest of mini dresses made from raincoat). Overall, it was generic disco-diva-pop and with instantly forgettable lyrics.
Ed Sheeran – Haven’t I already declared my love for the music video for “Thinking Out Loud” here? It’s swoon-inducing, as was Sheeran singing it on Tuesday night. I needed a moment and a second glass of wine to recover.
Jessie J – I always celebrate when Jessie gets to crossover to American TV because I really believe she should be a way bigger star instead of primarily being known for the 2011 hit “Pricetag” (and now “Bang Bang”). She’s  such a strong and talented vocalist and even better when performing live. Sharing the stage with finalist Chris, also showed how generous she is when performing with other artists.

Pharrell Is Yoda

Or a Jedi. The other coaches were just as tuned in to Pharrell’s zen-like meandering wisdom this season and paid tribute accordingly. Guys, I’ve been saying this for weeeeeeeeks.

Possible Quote of the Night

“Did you guys know that skipping is actually one of the most efficient forms of physical exercise?” – Adam, during the “Ode to Adam’s love of musical theatre” segment. This conversation with Taylor Swift culminated in Levine doing some minor West Side Story Jet choreography.

Trust Me: You NEED To Watch This Blake Shelton Supercut


Told you so.

The Coaches Got Fancy and Christmas-y

The Voice season 7 coaches

Not exactly the rocking four-coach number I’d been pining for all season. But the fake snow and formal wear accompanying their rendition of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” was like a musical snuggie. I’ll take it!

And now we’ve returned to the beginning, which is, in fact, the end. Cue the confetti and wooooooooooooo Craig Wayne Boyd!

The Voice returns for another season in spring 2015.

Are you happy with Craig as the winner? Tell us in the comments section below.