Rookie Blue recap: Will the 15 Division ever learn?

And, WE’RE BACK! Season 6 of Rookie Blue is in the house! Are you jacked? I am jacked.

For those of you new to – or just generally vague on – this whole RB photo recap, think of me as your peanut gallery, lovingly adding my two cents and attempting to sum up an hour’s worth of action with pithy wit and some pictures. The goal is to do it in 10 points; in the history of doing these, I’ve barely managed to keep it under 20. In other words, I love talking about Rookie Blue (and, if I’m lucky, you love it too!). So let’s get to it!

1. #RelationshipGoals

Happy Sam and Andy are the best Sam and Andy. It never lasts, so here, savour this:

2. Fact: Chin ups ARE hard

So are Nick’s arms muscles, and chest, and….oh right, plot points. Nick’s applying to ETF and Chloe’s still recovering. These two are friends and it’s cute! But I’m still committed to willing a Dov and Chloe reunion into existence, so don’t get any ideas Rookie writers.

3. Serious Dov

Epstein life update: He’s teamed up with Marlo over the summer to investigate the explosion and Ted McDonald (McDonnell? Guys, it’s been so long since last season!) case. But, more importantly, he’s also in Marlo’s corner now in regards to telling Swarek she’s got a bun in the oven. (Here’s where you can start counting the myriad of ways I can say “pregnant” without actually writing it.)

4. Not-so-serious Diaz

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. Am I right? Diaz may be on the road to sobriety (except for the skipping of his meeting), but he’s landed right back into trouble with this new chick. Making out with a married woman in a parking lot will surely only lead to rainbows, puppies, and happy endings for him. (G-rated happy endings! Get your minds out of the gutters!) Did I mention her husband is also a cop? And not just any cop….this’ll be fun later. Let’s wait till then.

5. An ode to men finding out they’ve unintentionally knocked someone up

Kudos to Ben Bass for this series of reaction shots. In case you’re wondering, Marlo told Sam there’s a mini Swarek on the way.

6. Danger Will Robinson

For recapping the plot purposes: Andy’s at Tracy’s for the night – something about a bed delivery – and some dude in a ski mask jumps her. (It’s very hard to get a photo of this.) It’s Thursday, so Andy must be in trouble, right? To sum up the incident in her words: “We fought and he got away.” If anything, this whole “second floor balcony intruder” plot has me newly paranoid, as I too open my second floor balcony doors at night when I get home.

7. That “Whoops, I crap where I eat look”

Welcome Juliette Ward (Erin Karpluk) to the 15 Division! She’s got a plan and Nick is totally going to derail it. Maybe. *Dun, dun, dunnnnn* (See #18)

8. FEEEEEEEEEELS

RIP love wall.

9. Baristas know you by your coffee order

And will identify you to the police that way. BUT, the odds of a barista breaking into your apartment and assaulting you are slim. So…that’s a win, right?

10. IMPORTANT PSA: Sexual assault is never your fault

Always report it! Turns out Mr. “Americano, Just Right” upgraded from B&Es to rape. Andy is righteously outraged and ramped up to TRACK HIM DOWN. And then an outside detective swooped in and told the 15 Division to back off. This is how they felt about it:

Not exactly pleased as punch.

11. This is how 15 Division “backs off”

Sure team, that looks like some “casual” patrolling to me. That’s not going to ruffle anyone’s feathers and bite you in the ass. You aren’t directly obeying orders or anything.

12. Still processing this baby news…

And still hasn’t told Andy. If you didn’t think this situation was going to blow up before the end credits, I’m sending you for a timeout in the corner. You should know better by now.

13. “Everything’s copacetic?”

“I’m seeing a married cocaine addict, but she’s sober now so that’s good.” Never change, Diaz.

14. How to subtly find out more about that dude you claim you’re not interested in…and everyone else

Step one: Start Chloe on the subject. Step two: Listen. Maybe add an occasional prompting question.

Ta da!

15. Baby bombshell in T minus 1 minute

KABOOM!

For an adult, Andy spends a lot of time running from her problems and having knee-jerk,  “I JUST CAN’T” reactions to things. I feel like she needs better coping mechanisms.

16. Seriously though, you guys totally didn’t catch the bad guy!

Everyone in 15 Division was issued a firm telling off and slap on the wrist for chasing off a sexual predator with their door-knocking and extra patrols. In other words, case remains unsolved.

17. Gratuitous shirtless Nick

Because who am I to deny you. In fact, if anything, it’s the camera angles and shot choices that are denying you an extended view.

18. Red herring in 15 Division

I’m going to assume Juliette’s IA (Internal Affairs) until someone tells me otherwise. Theories, dear RB fans? Hit the comments! And while you’re there, tell us what you loved about the season six premiere.

Rookie Blue airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Global TV. It will premiere Thursday, June 25 on ABC.