Reign’s dire warnings

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We’re keeping up with the M3 date of Reign, so if you haven’t seen “Three Queens” yet, hold onto that tiara and put a pin in that escape plan until you’re all caught up.

After last season’s Reign headed climactically towards Henry’s death, I can’t help but wonder if the series is planning another deadly finale for our royals. I’m not sure what else could explain all this talk of contingency plans and nest eggs—or Catherine’s very real advice that Mary should build a life of her own instead of depending on Francis.

At first it just seemed like Kenna and Lola were up to their usual anachronistic bits of post-royal mistress bonding (I could really do with one episode where Lola isn’t crying about her self-made situation). But the fact that Catherine later pointed out that all her carriages had an escape route and both queens mentioned how important it was to keep a dagger on you at court took this from being a friendly bit of bonding to a massive warning—or premonition. Especially once Catherine was telling Mary she should consider doing the same thanks to all her enemies.

Speaking of, a new one came out to play this week. Elizabeth, who’s only been mentioned as a rival for the English throne, apparently decided it was time to take direct action against her competition. The geek in me immediately went to check if Francis Walsingham was working for the queen at this time, if only because the British spymaster would make for a formidable historical foe for Mary on this series, instead of leaving it all up to Narcisse and his blackmailing of Francis. As it is, we had Rookie Blue‘s Noam Jenkins (RIP Jerry) as a backstabbing arms man who got stabbed in the back for his trickery. Say it isn’t so, Jerry.

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Though having thoroughly defeated Francis last week by landing the world’s most incriminating confession from the king, Narcisse was finding a whole new way to be creepy—this time with Lola. Ever since their talk over his dead wife’s body it’s been obvious the show was going to push for something between these two. I just kind of figured between all the talk of love and tea, Narcisse’s motives towards Lola might be an expression of his more decent side. Now I’d have to argue that bath deal, real or not, leaves him looking skeevy all over. Even Lola managing to outsmart him (and nail perfect form at her first archery attempt, thank you Chronicles of Narnia) doesn’t sell me on this. And even if he could dig deep and find a nice side, we’re already going through this with Greer and Castleroy—it’s not quite the innocent young love the series originally sold me on.

But as if to make up for all that foreshadowing and semi-predatory flirting, Reign went big on one of the things it does best: showing us that Monster-In-Law had nothing on the extremes Mary and Catherine go to while spending time together. Mary’s latest turn as an effective and occasionally ruthless queen herself has upped the verbal sparring and passive aggressive infighting to even more hilarious levels. And while I will always, always be on Catherine’s side in these things (murderous or not, I bow to Anne of Green Gables) Mary gifting her mother-in-law’s crown to Jenny and then merely raising an eyebrow to stick it to Catherine proves she can now give it as good as she gets.

Still, an episode with this much Catherine in it is bound to be Catherine’s episode, especially as she dished out the sass from beginning to end while planning yet another rally-the-villagers trip—also a thing Mary should really try doing after those imposters. And while I was crushing on her hard for any number of lines, the way she ran towards dinner proved that while she may no longer be queen of France, she will always be queen of our hearts. She’s right when she says Mary could learn a thing or two from her, and quickly, because signs seem to be suggesting our queen will need to stand on her own very, very soon.

Catherine Reigns:

  • “I may not care about peasants individually, but generally…” Catherine’s love of her subjects is heartwarming.
  • “I shall have my dinner, one way or the other.” Oh, to command that line like she does. I’d never go hungry again.
  • “I assume you mean fertility, because other than that no man has an inkling of women’s troubles.” The “wine” brought out some real lady bonding.
  • “First you should know he was a terrible, terrible hat maker.” Catherine defending her torture of a man.
  • Mary: “Poison?” Catherine: “You say that so hopefully now.”
  • “Never give up a crown. To anybody.” Mary will one day remember this advice.

Should Mary start preparing for life without Francis? Is anyone shipping Lola with Narcisse yet? Would you want to go on a road trip with Catherine too? Hit us up in the comments below!

Reign airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on M3 and Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on The CW and CTV2.