Having been burned by failure year after year (please, eating healthy never lasts), we at TV Junkies are giving up on the idea of resolutions…for ourselves. Instead we’re focusing on far more attainable goals for some TV characters desperately in more need of help than us. So we’ve put our best thinkers to work to come up with some easy goals that will do wonders for these guys in the new year.
As for us, just pass the Toblerone.
Mindy Lahiri, The Mindy Project
This is the year I take over the world. 2015 will be filled with off the wall parties and only the coolest people, like Jay-Z and Bey, who will become my new best friends. I will eat only the highest grade sushi and give up street meat (except Tuesdays. And every other Thursday.), while rocking only the coolest wardrobe choices on my waif physique. Oh, and Danny will ask me to marry him, we will have 2.5 children and live on the upper East side.
Felicity Smoak, Arrow
Oh man, I’ve always hated New Years Resolutions. I always go for the really cliched ones like no chocolate or going to the gym four days a week and I do really great for, like, a week, but by mid-January I’m binging on Hershey’s in my sweats. Anyway, who even has time for these things when you’re constantly on-call by your partner, or I mean, ex-boss, I mean – ugh, you know, arrow-pointing, crime fighting friend, to hack into some security system to track an armed robber? Maybe this year’s resolution should be to stop falling for guys with a superhero complex. Oh god, did I just say that out loud? What is wrong with my brain?
Ray Donovan, Ray Donovan
I resolve this year to work through some of my anger issues — perhaps spend more time down at the family gym, taking it out on a punching bag. Or on my brother Terry, who doesn’t seem to mind being a punching bag. I will try to forgive my father his criminal ways, and my wife for sleeping with that cop. And I will try to be nicer to my employees, Avi and Lena. Perhaps some flowers, or a lovely fruit basket.
Dean Winchester, Supernatural
I’d like to say that this year will be different. I’d like to believe Sam and I won’t spend this year battling it out with demons and witches and werewolves and ghosts and all manner of evil thing, but I think we all know that’s not going to happen. So this year I’m going to try and enjoy life, in between all the blood and guts and pain. I’m going to eat lots of pie and make love to lots of pretty women. I’m going to road trip with my brother and try to stay alive. Here’s hoping that works out.
Catherine de Medici, Reign
Resolutions? No, a queen doesn’t make resolutions. I simply do what I want, when I want and deal with the insipid idiots who question my judgement as I see fit. Although I wouldn’t say no to getting rid of those disturbing ghost children — perhaps I shouldn’t have been so quick to get rid of Nostradamus. And I suppose making headway with the peasants wouldn’t hurt either. Kings may come and go, but this queen is forever. And dear? Don’t be crass and put the chocolate fountain in the front entrance. This isn’t England.
Ron Swanson, Parks & Recreation
I don’t believe in the act of predicting what the year’s follies or festivities will bring, nor do I subscribe to the theory that noisy clackers and clangers or silly hats will allow for a more enjoyable party. I will, however, continue to live my life the way nature intended. With allocated time for daily wood working, nourishment from the animals put on this earth for human consumption, and five square meals of bacon every day.
Clarke Griffin, The 100
I don’t have time to worry about what’s going to happen over the course of the next year, not when I’m just trying to survive here on Earth for the next week or even the next day. The constant threats that face my people unfortunately aren’t going away anytime soon so my main concerns for the New Year lie in securing my alliance with Lexa and the Grounders. I’ve made more sacrifices than I care, or am able, to talk about to get my people to this point but there’s still much work to be done. It’s sure to be a struggle as I come to terms with what I’ve done but I have no regrets, for I know a strong alliance with the Grounders will help as we attempt a rescue of the 47 people still trapped at Mount Weather.
Des Courtney, Republic of Doyle
By’s, this year is the year. The year I make full partner at Doyle & Doyle Investigations. After all, I now really am part of the family. Although technically I was part of the family before, but that sort of makes it sound like I married my sister which, you know, would be weird. Wait, did I marry my sister? Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is I will change my last name to Doyle and my first name to Jake and finally gets me some money. And pants. Helloooo pants!
What other resolutions would you pass on to your favourite characters? Share them in the comments below!